


As Cold As His Heart

by SilverDragonessQueen



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Blood, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-01-26 04:20:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12548700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverDragonessQueen/pseuds/SilverDragonessQueen
Summary: After a malfunction on the portal, Dammek and Xefros get sent of to Earth too far up north than it was originally planned.They are faced off with a severe new environment without proper equipment and are fighting for survival against the elements.As they travel in order to find any sign of civilization, Dammek starts pushing Xefros to his limits which leads to the deterioration of his health.In order to survive, they are forced to start communicating differently than before, and their relationship starts to evolve.





	1. In the Black of the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Dammek and Xefros walk through the snowy forests of Northern Canada trying to reach any sort of civilization.  
> They travel in silence as Xefros recalls all the events that led them to this place and made their friendship what it is now.  
> As they start to settle in for the night, they start arguing which Xefros doesn't handle very well.  
> (Xefros's point of view, 2nd person)

It’s almost nightfall. You can see the sun setting on the horizon behind the tall trees of the eternal forest. The black naked branches reached out to the sky, weeping for the warmth that was already escaping through their fingers as the short day was ending. It was silent, only the occasional call of a crow filled the cold winter air with some signs of life. It wasn’t very reassuring, because you were hungry, and you were cold, and you were lost. You prayed for a sign of civilization, of noise in the distance that would mean you’re not completely alone, that there might actually be a way out of here. But the only thing you could see was miles of white snow and ice covered trees.  
The black wood you gathered from the forest was the only thing keeping you alive. It provided you with shelter, and warmth when lit up. You started despising the white around you. It reminded you of death; the cold creeping through your veins at the direct touch of the freezing white fangs of ice, making its way inside your clothes and eating away any and all heat you have accumulated and desperately tried to keep. Pieces of your once effervescent soul escape through your aching throat in the form of a cloud of warm breath, reminding you of the frisk air that irritates you nasal cavity and lungs. The pain is unbearable, but you continue walking, lifting your sore blister-covered feet through the thick layer of snowfall, because stopping would mean certain death. At least, that’s what he said.  
He wouldn’t lie to you.

You look at him, barely lifting your head as you clench around your stomach to try and get yourself warmer. He holds his head high, stopping in front of you to look around. You notice he’s also out of breath, trying to hide it by keeping his poise, but his lips are slightly agape, gasping for fresh air. You know he’s desperate, hopelessly trying to find any signs which would make him believe the two of you will actually survive. It was because of his mistake you landed too far north, but he would never admit it.  
Especially not to you.  
He was too proud to do that, avoiding eye contact when addressing you, ordering you around confident that he knows best. His words could strike like lightning, leaving you speechless, grasping around your throat as you struggled to let out a sound. He saw you as fragile, he treated you with disrespect, and he pushed you over your limits. But without him you wouldn’t have survived, at least not to the age you are at now.

It’s not that your lusus wasn’t taking good care of you, because he was. He made sure you studied, you trained, that you progressed into the person you are today. But that was never enough, not to Dammek who insisted you were still too weak to face the world or to escape from the fuchsia rule of terror. So he decided it was best if he took you under his wing, to let you in to all of the secrets of outliving anything she throws at you, or others of your kind.  
And you’re grateful he did. His moiraligiance was indeed helpful in getting you through hard times, not just for your physical wellbeing, but mental too. It’s been hard making any friends at all because of your hierarchal predisposition, where you found yourself at the bottom of the blood caste or, as Dammek liked to call it, “full course dinner for the imperial condescension”. He was right, both literally and figuratively. But who were you to protest to it? A lone rust-blooded soon-to-be-butler for some malevolent violet-blood had nothing to search for in the idea of a revolution. The only thing you could ever achieve with rioting would be death, most likely long and painful. No, Dammek was better at those things. He kept things under control, slow but steady. You’re not sure if he could ever actually manage to overthrow the two fuchsia bloods, or even just one, but you believe he could manage to rise up a group of those who share the same ideals and destroy at least a few of the Imperial Drones. You admire him for that. Your heart beats a little bit faster when you realize he is actually capable of something like that, that he has that strong willpower which could lead him to do great things, and that he is your moirail who, out of all the other trolls out there, decided you would be the one who would help him achieve his goal.

 

He continues walking, lifting his legs over the heavy snow, his boots soaked, now heavier than your light sneakers, but warmer. You envy him, standing tall and facing this problem head on while keeping his mouth shut, his teeth tightly clenched holding all of his desperation bottled down, compressing around his heart. His lungs burn from the dry air, but he’s silent, fighting back to the torture of death overlooking his shoulder. Any words uttered from his mouth would be a sure sign he has succumbed to the realization that there is no way out, and he couldn’t let himself admit you two are probably goners, lost souls who chased the sun by day and ran from the moon at night. You didn’t speak to him, not until you decide to stop for the day. Dealing with trivial matters would distract him from focusing on his goal of getting you out of here, and discussing your current situation would bring misery and agony. He clearly stated that before, bashing out on you so you would follow the order, so you would not forget about his wishes.

You dwell on his words a lot. How he treats you, how he commands you, how he hisses and leans towards you threatening to show you exactly how rustbloods like you should be treated. Your ears fall back from humiliation when you remember how many times he needed to yell at you, your cheeks flush with a rich red color as you recall his white canines glistening in the light when he growls at your mistakes. You lower your head, looking down as if to avoid his gaze, as you go back on how he sometimes screams about how much more he needs to work just to keep you from doing some stupid shit he told you not to do a million times before.

 

The last rays of sunlight disappear from the sky.

“We’ll camp out here for the night”, he says simply, sighing and looking around the area. You lift your head once again, thankful you won’t have to walk any further for today, but facing the cruel reality that you won’t be moving much anymore and will, therefore, lose body heat.  
You’re currently somewhere in a valley, following a creek a few hundred meters bellow you. There’s no clearing in sight, not that you were looking for one anyway. You would think that building a shelter at the edge of one would be the best location for spending the night, but Dammek says it’s dangerous because the smoke from the fire would be more visible. Besides, clearings mean open areas which won’t protect you from the harsh winds of the north.

You really want to lie down, to sit and rest your tired legs, but you can’t. You need to help out set up a shelter, and by that you mean finding suitable branches that you can use as cover. There are a lot of coniferous trees around you that are great for constructing a simple roof. The hard part is finding sturdy branches that can be used as construction support and hold the smaller branches in place. You’re usually the one to go find them while Dammek tries to light up the fire. You sometimes think he has the easier job, since he usually fails to heat up the wood enough to get a flame started and asks you for help when he comes back. But then again he is the one navigating, and you sure wouldn’t know what to do in his position and with that task. You’re not sure if he knows what he’s doing, but he’s pretending he does so it brings you at least a little bit of hope.

It takes you a good hour or so to gather up some good braches, and when you come back Dammek is sitting on the ground, legs and arms crossed, eyes shut with a log in front of him with clear signs of a failed attempt of getting enough friction for the fire. He notices you came back, shifts his head a little so he could take a look at you, then gets up to approach you. His eyes are hid behind a pair of black sunglasses and you can’t see where exactly is he looking at, but you are sure he is averting his gaze.

“Give me that. You get started on this shitshow”, he grabs the branches from your hands and takes them to the nearby tree, one that’s a little bigger and sturdier than the others. He’s having trouble trying to drag those heavy branches to the place he wants, but when you offer your help he says you should concentrate on your fucking task and leave him alone. You guess he’s right. He would ask if he really needed assistance. Then again, in situations when you don’t actually offer to jump in and help him, he yells at you for not considering it. 

He insists you use your telekinesis to roll the two pieces of twigs over some dry pine needles. He wants you to practice as much as you can, even though now, at the end of a hard day where you’re barely even keeping your eyes open, you doubt you’ll be able to even lift up the pieces. But you try, noticing the slight frown while Dammek is looking down on you, concentrating on picturing the two twigs with your mind. A feeble red light appears around the object, flickering as your connection with it starts deteriorating. You manage to put it up, press it against the pile of kindling and then, just as you were about to start, the light stops emitting and the twigs fall in front of you.

“Absolutely fucking fantastic, Xefros! I honestly can’t fucking believe after a full day of walking and suffering through all those aches, bruises, and blisters, I thought that you could actually do something helpful and be of some use here!” he drops everything on the ground and turns around, pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration. You look aside; sweat rolling down your forehead, and breathing heavily. You clench your teeth, making yourself stay calm as he throws one of his fits.

“Your powers have so much potential, but you’re such a low-life idiot who can’t even begin to understand what this means and you waste them away like some moron. Imagine all those lives pointlessly lost because they didn’t have a gift like you. Imagine all those fucking heroes out there who could’ve become leaders, generals, heads of the revolution with such an enormous power, but you got stuck with it instead; a rust-blood who can’t even pick up a fucking branch and light up a fire!” You feel your throat tighten as you try to hold back any emotion at all, because you know it would make him even angrier. You know he’ll scream at you anyway for not fighting back, for not standing up to him. But you couldn’t do that, you couldn’t even consider the thought of hurting him in any way. He was your moirail after all.

“I’m sorry, tetrarch…”

“Look me in the eyes when you’re talking to me! You dare avert your gaze when I’m addressing you! I know you’re only doing this because you’re holding back tears! You want to fucking cry like a little grub at any sight of inconvenience hoping it’ll just take care of itself! Look at me!” you listen to him, your eyes shimmering from the watery red tears, your cheeks flushed making your freckles appear darker.

“Pick that shit up and do it again!”

“Dammek, I…”

“Don’t you fucking call me by my name!”

“Sorry… Tetrarch… I can’t… I can’t do it. I’m so tired…” your voice quivers as you try to speak coherently in vain.

“You are not going anywhere until I see you get this fire lit up. I don’t care if we fucking freeze to death, I am making you do this until you succeed!” he comes closer, his hands crossed over his chest as he gazes at you with disgust. His lip is slightly curled up and you can see how his white teeth bite into his skin. His anger frightens you. He’s not prone to violence, but also isn’t unfamiliar with it. He would sometimes grab you by your shirt, he would scratch or smack you in some situations. Not so much anymore, at least not recently. It was like this when he got into all those conspiracy theories. Paranoia got to him, eating at his common sense and making him take extreme measures to keep you and himself safe, which often meant going through certain procedures in order to learn how to protect yourself from the impact of the heiresses. If anything went wrong, he would be furious. He wouldn’t only take it out on you, but on himself and his lusus. You noticed the bite marks on his hands, his nails chewed down to the flesh, scratches over his body. He would go out with his lusus on dangerous territory and come back barely alive, covered in blood with open wounds from weaponry, their bodies sometimes entangled in barbed wire they couldn’t get off themselves so they asked you to go help out. You remember looking at him, his anger trying to hide the obvious depression he was dealing with. He desperately wanted some sign, some kind of proof that he would actually survive. He would hurt himself to get used to pain in case he gets imprisoned and tortured. Every single aspect of his life became a preparation for the worst. He would starve himself, lock himself up in his room and test how many days can he make it without any contact whatsoever with the outside worlds. His room which was once filled with posters of you and him playing together in a band became headquarters for figuring out the plans from the two queens. Your photographs were torn off the wall and replaced with old scripts; old concert tickets laid on the floor and stepped on as he hung up newspaper articles about current events.

He was better now, not as he used to be, but there’s improvement. He still has that raged temper, but you think he’s starting to accept he can’t completely control how his life is going to end up being. He hurts himself less now, but you still notice the bloody fingers. You don’t know if his body is still in the bad condition it was before, he hides it under a layer of long clothing. You hope it isn’t.  
And you hope this won’t cause him to slip back again.

So you take a breath, closing your eyes tightly to suppress the tears that started forming on the corners of your eye, and you look at the twigs in front of you. The tips of your fingers twitch as you concentrate, your jaw clenched as you visualize the two branches rubbing against each other on the kindling. Everything around them blackens and you can only see the fire pit right in front of you. As the red light finally appears again, your sight gets blurry.

“Not now!” you think to yourself, “Just hold on for a little longer!”

But you were too tired. Your fingers stopped moving and your hands fell down. Your head started hurting again as your eyes started to close. You desperately tried to keep yourself awake, but knew that if you lose your focus just for a split second, you’ll fail. You don’t want to be left in the snow alone to freeze, you don’t want Dammek to lose his temper and you certainly don’t want him thinking this is his entire fault. You could live with him blaming you because, in the end, you do care for him even if that means letting him abuse you to feel better. The mere thought of seeing him fall in the state he once was is too painful to even dwell upon. So you don’t. Instead you catch the last glimpse of the smoke starting to appear from the kindling before losing your consciousness and falling to your side, your skin burning in contact with the snow.

  


***

  


You wake up, the barking of a fox echoing through the night. The moon is full, emitting incredibly intense light that barely reached the ground through the snowy tree tops. You don’t feel your legs, but the rest of your body is freezing cold. You realize you’re covered with a thin layer of frost, some of it even sustaining on your now pale cheeks. You’re dozing off, still immensely tired from the telekinesis you tried to pull off earlier, but you manage to notice the dark silhouette of Dammek’s body lying on the floor of the so-called shelter. He’s curled up on a pile of green pine needles which provide a slight isolation from the ice beneath, covered with a layer of branches from pine trees. He doesn’t look like he’s too comfortable. You doubt he managed to warm himself up considering how your attempt in lighting a fire failed (you guess Dammek didn’t react quick enough in order to manage up a spark from that smoke), but he’s in a better position than you are. You don’t want to wake him up, but you also want to lay next to him to steal some of his heat, or at least try to. The thought of you cuddling up next to him was embarrassing. Tetrarch would be anything but happy about it, but truth be told there was also a feeling of butterflies in your stomach as you imagined yourself curled beside him. It was not unusual for moirails to sleep together, or help each other out (you do actually want to survive this night after all), but you also felt he was your superior in a sense. You answered to him and did his bidding, which was not unusual in a moirallegiance, but only when it was mutual. You could never bring yourself to ask something of him he didn’t want to do.

But a part of you wondered if you could ever have been something more than this. If he was to actually treat you with more respect, or to just treat you like a normal person who was not under him on the hemospectrum. You really wanted to believe that the way he treated you had nothing to do with it, but it was painfully obvious there is some influence of the system on your relationship. You wonder what could have been if the two of you were of equal ranks, or if you were higher than him. You liked to imagine what would happen if this situation was different, if he wanted something more from the thing you already had, if he would just see how the only reason you stayed with him for so long is because you admire him so much. The king who led the army and his servant who followed his command, the sun which shone with sheer energy and the shadow which was always there on its side, the ocean which raged with its dark waters and the shore which put through all of its emotion and stood amaranthine to its effects.

Your weary eyes notice a movement coming from him, but you are too weak to move. You try to call out to him, but your dry throat remains voiceless. He shifts, opening his eyes as he looks in your direction. He lifts his head when he notices the faint orange of your eyes glowing in the dark. His horns reach the top of the wooden roof, tangling into a few of the pine branches which dangled from the construction. He crawls out, stepping on the creaking damp snowfall.

“Xefros”, he whispers. His voice deep and calm, eyes glued to you as he reaches out towards you. He hardly moves through the thick layer of snow, but is determined to get through it. You notice a faint look of concern in his eyes, his brow slightly furrowed as he extends his arm to your cheek. He gently raises your chin, his soft fingers pleasantly stroking your rough dried skin.

“You need to stand up. You need to help me carry you”, he says looking directly into your eyes. You try to nod your head, but a sudden weakness overcomes you so your head droops on the side. He manages to nudge it back up, picking you up under his arm. He doesn’t say anything more, just tightly squeezes you around your waist in order to make you walk. Your legs don’t listen to you, but you at least manage to put some weight onto them. It took you a solid minute or two to walk those 2 meters, but you managed to reach the entrance to the shelter, and Dammek helps you pull you in. He helps you lay comfortably on the place he was sleeping till recently, puts the primitive cover over you, then sits next to you leaning against the tree.

It’s still freezing cold, but you feel more comfortable, and you definitely feel at least a few degrees warmer. You still can’t feel your fingers, and your shoes are still soaking wet, but when you curl up in a ball you get the feeling you might actually survive the night.

You hear him breathe heavily beside you, through his nose, not his mouth. You’re guessing he’s trying to calm down, or he’s perhaps deep in his thoughts. In either case, you are sure he is avoiding looking at you. Shame radiates from his tense body posture. You want to turn around, tell him you’re ok, but you are too weak, so you lay on the rough ground, eyes closed but mind awake, thinking how this might actually be your fault.

 

Back in his house, right in front of the control panel of the weapon, you listened to Dammek as he explained in details what exactly was the contraption supposed to do, but you were unable to follow. The long scientific names and unfamiliar words mixed with his excitement were barely comprehensible. You nodded anyway, curiously watching as he held a single apple in his palm, playing around with it as he walked around the room. The machine stood tall in the middle on a small pedestal Dammek made for it, the cloth that covered it laid on the ground right next to it. The room was dark, and if it wasn’t for the faint light coming from the many buttons on the control panel and from the contraption itself, you wouldn’t be able to see much. While trolls were nocturnal creatures and had excellent night vision, you still did need some light in order to see. And the portal you couldn’t take your eyes off of was humming, buzzing as if it were alive. You could have sworn you also noticed the heads of the serpents around it moving, at least their eyes. It was as if they were following you around, watching your every move, feasting on the fear they sensed from your trembling hands. Their fangs creating an illusion of a malicious grin across their faces and you couldn’t shake the feeling that your moirail got himself into more than he could swallow.

Nevertheless, he kept talking, explaining how this complicated construction of unknown origin is your ticket out of this miserable life. He beamed with hope, a smile spreading across his lips revealing his sharp teeth. His ears were slightly twitching when he would raise his voice out of excitement. You never saw him talk about something as passionately as he did now. You have never seen him this happy. In that moment, in that short split of a second, you actually thought he’s going to stay like this, he’s going to be the moirail you once knew and you’re going to run away from the problems he’s been facing for so long and you are going to live.

That feeling didn’t last long. The hope from your face disappeared right when you saw him hiss out the name of the heiress, his eyes gone dark as he growled in disgust. You looked away at the floor, not wanting to face him directly in his craze. Thankfully, he turned away to the panel, putting in some commands. You weren’t sure what exactly was he doing, but he was concentrating, even stopped talking.

As the buttons beeped when his fingers pressed them, the portal started lighting up more, electricity surging through the metal skeleton of it. You noticed a small error message appeared at the top left of the screen making the text appear red, not green as the rest of the entries. You wondered if you should tell Dammek, impede while he is so focused on typing in the correct order, but you decide you better mention it, just in case. Your voice was weak, quiet compared to the noise in the background, but he heard you, angrily turning towards you as he lost sight of the controls. You warned him about the red text. As he looked at it and tried to decode what it meant, the machine went mad.

The apple Dammek placed beforehand as a test subject in the middle of the portal was blown into pieces, a large green and red hole appearing directly in front of you. The gravitational pull was so great it started pulling you from the ground. You grabbed onto the nearest thing, which was a pipe connecting to the control panel, Dammek following your example. He slid down a few feet, managed to grab your leg at the very last second. If he didn’t react as quickly as he did, he would have ended up inside the portal and most likely died since it already destroyed that apple. You held on tightly, but the pull was becoming greater, your fingers started slipping on the smooth metal. You hopelessly held on as you felt Dammek slipping too. You looked down seeing his face filled with panic. He was not able to speak because of his heart beating so fast it barely let him breathe, but his eyes were begging you to help him, to think of a solution. The only thing you could do was use your telekinesis, but if you do, you’re going to be so drained of energy there was no possible way you’ll be able to hold on. It was you or him. Either you save him and you get sent off to certain death when you collapse, or his strength fails him and he’s the one who dies. You didn’t need to think much. You were not capable of not at least trying to save him. He was your closest friend and you couldn’t live with the fact that you are the one who killed him.

So you focus all your attention to him, a red flicker of light starting to surround his body. You barely even lifted him a bit when a wave of exhaustion hit you. Your muscles started aching and your body screamed with pain, but you couldn’t think of that. Only him and getting him away from danger. He opened his mouth as if to say something, to maybe call out your name as he realizes what you were doing. Instead he stayed silent, his eyes wide open, peering at you in fear, or disbelief because you never lifted anything so heavy only using your powers, as you battled to keep your grip around the pipe tight enough. Your fingers were now dangerously slipping and you were now only holding yourself with the four remaining fingers. Dammek was still not out of danger, but you did manage to move him away a meter or so. If he could only reach some kind of solid surface, like the door frame, then he would be safe. He realized what you were doing and managed to reach out his arm, to at least try to help you out. There were only a couple of inches left.

If he was only a bit taller, if you only reacted sooner, if you were just a little stronger, if your powers were just slightly greater, or if only that loud sound coming from the portal and struck like lighting next to you hasn’t startled you, maybe you wouldn’t be in this position where you were now. But the wormhole did swallow you, pulled you in with a massive force while you let go of Dammek. You don’t remember correctly whether or not he managed to reach away from the machine and then jumped after you, or did you truly fail at the very last moment. You also weren’t sure why there was a sudden malfunction on the machine for it to strike out towards you, but the way it reacted and behaved, you were sure it was very much alive in a sense and wanted to devour you. Whatever the reason might have been, and whatever might have changed the outcome to it, you were now in a land of no return. At least not until you find another portal. Or build one. If that ever happens. By the state of the situation right now, you don’t think there’s a high chance that’ll ever come true.

 

Your hands twitch, signaling there is something wrong and if you don’t manage to heat up soon there’s a risk of losing your fingers. Your skin is so dry it started tearing, on some places it left scars and scabs as if somebody burned you. You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream about how much pain you are in, to yell and lose your voice and numb your senses. The realization of certain death set, and your eyes started watering.

“Tetrarch…” you mumbled, directed at yourself since you figured Dammek must be sleeping again.

“I don’t want to die…” your voice broke. Your eyes were dry, but your body started shaking as you sobbed into your hands. You felt ashamed, embarrassed that you’re making a fool out of yourself. Of course you were going to die. It was always meant to be you. You first, always, in any situation. Your life belonged to him, completely and eternally. You were meant to be his, serve him and take care of him, and you weren’t even capable of doing that. So what was then the meaning of your life? If you can’t do what you were supposed to, what was there left for you to accomplish? You had no real dreams of your own, no aspirations. Becoming a professional pusher in Arena Stickball was the only dream you had of your own, and you still wouldn’t be able to pursue it because you would be sent to work as some fucking butler and would be kissing asses all day for the high-bloods, who of course are pretty much everybody except you since you are the fucking lowest of the low when it comes to blood. You were a nobody, your moirail hates you, and you are of no use to society. If you die right here and now, nobody would even notice. Just another dead cat on the side of the road.

 

“Stay with me”, you heard behind you, leaves shifting and branches falling around you. Dammek was trying to move quickly, but the area was too small for him to crawl to you without getting his horns tied up in the top of the shelter.

“Xefros! Do you hear me?” he moved in front of you, pulling his glasses up, revealing his gleaming amber eyes that stared down at you with dreadful concern. He took your hands in his, awkwardly pulling them closer to his mouth as he tried to warm them up with his breath. He noticed you barely kept your eyes open now, that the blank stare you were giving him were you drifting away from reality.

“Xefros, stay with me”, his voice quivered, lost in the quiet wind of the night. You closed your eyes, letting your hands fall down into Dammek’s lap as you lost consciousness. He was left in phantom silence, in the dark of unfamiliar territory interlined with creeping shadows, with you lying in front of him, your breath so shallow your chest was barely moving. He clenched his hands, looked around in the dead of the night and realized if you do not awake the next morning, he is going to be left all alone in this world.


	2. Even in Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Xefros finds himself unable to walk on his own, Dammek decides to help him.  
> But after an exhausting night and a long day, Xefros struggles to continue after his legs give out only a few miles before the place they want to reach before tomorrow arrives.  
> He believes this is the end of his journey, but Dammek desperately wants him to continue.

The static of the computer screen filled the air with a quiet buzzing sound. It was the only light source in the room. Dammek was sitting in the chair in front of it, restlessly typing something. You weren’t sure of your exact position in the room, or why he was so eagerly looking at the screen that obviously wasn’t working, but you didn’t question it. You examine him, noticing how he slightly waves his head when he realizes he makes a mistake. He would then hurriedly press the backspace button with a little too much pressure, cursing under his breath. You didn’t understand what exactly was he doing, you guess it had to do something with his revolution plan, but he wasn’t especially good in coding. He tried, yes, but aside from doing simple programming like installing cameras that would change angles every now and then, he was not that special. You gather he’s actually trying to encode his messages, and he’s been failing. You notice how he taps his fingers on the side of the keyboard when he stops to think.

You look at the screen. Still nothing. But you see letters that aren’t there, see the black screen with the encryption typed all over it. Did he write all of that? You try to concentrate, try to understand what exactly it means, but the letters disappear, leaving you again with the static you encountered when you first found yourself in the room.

Dammek’s ears twitch and he turns just so he could spot you with the corner of his eyes.

“I told you not to fucking interrupt me when I’m working”, he turned forward again, his eyes locked onto his fingers as he started writing again. The sound of him pressing the keys broke the silence; you can hear them echo from the walls as you drown in the silence. You want to speak, but your voice doesn’t answer, instead your lips move but you remain soundless. He seems to understand, so he sighs, but you couldn’t predict his answer since you didn’t know what you just said. You weren’t controlling your actions at all, and that made you nervous, anxious because you knew you weren’t ready for his reaction.

“Xefros, I’m literally in so much shit right now and you can’t even follow one simple order. Do you think this is child’s play? We aren’t grubs anymore. You do realize if you’re not going to fucking listen to me and follow what I say, you’ll get culled like the rest of those simple-minded morons? You’re the only person I trust, maybe because I know you’re not capable of doing anything that would result in the intentional destruction of everything that I’ve built. Unintentional yes, because holy shit you’re useless. But I need you, because when I get exterminated, you’re going to be the one who takes over my work. You need to because I didn’t fucking risk my life to save our sorry asses just so you could throw it away into some dark corner of your room and try to forget about it like you do with all your other problems”, he says in a rather calm voice. You’re surprised he doesn’t yell, but you guess he’s tired. You look down, trying to avoid his gaze. He pinches the bridge of his nose, rubs his eyes under his glasses, then turns around back to the computer.

“I don’t even know why I go through so much trouble to protect you. As if you’re going to remember all the things I’ve done to keep you safe when I get caught doing this. You never fucking appreciate my work. If you really did, you’d actually be serving me like you’re supposed to, like the butler you’re training so hard to be”, he growled out the last sentence showing his sharp fangs, as if he’s trying to tear you apart with them as he speaks. You do actually feel how his words struck you hard, and you know he’s expecting you to cry. He loves to see you cry, feeds of your misery then uses it to just prove how right he is about you. That you are weak, that you literally just take up space in this world.

 

“I’m sorry…” you finally uttered feeling your dry lips parting in pain. You feel them slightly tearing, blood appearing as you clenched your teeth to prevent yourself from whining. The sensation makes you open your eyes, finding yourself where you fell asleep the night before: under the primitive roof made of gathered branches, lying on the ground isolated from the cold snow by a pile of pine needles.

You wonder how long you slept. It’s obvious it’s been a while since the sun has been up for a few hours now. Yesterday the two of you got up before dawn, continuing your journey even before the black of the night disappeared. The winter breeze got under your shirt as you walked and not until you reached the bottom of the mountain did you finally feel somewhat warmer. Now it all feels like it happened ages ago, like you are trapped in this nightmare for months without end.

Even though you slept through most of the night, you felt tired, tired from life. You weren’t exactly sure were you even able to continue. You don’t exactly feel your legs. You’re certain they’re still where they are supposed to be, but the night air and uncomfortable position might have taken its toll. You open your eyes with torment, realizing exactly how exhausted you really were. It hurt to keep them open, but you fear if you close them you won’t find the strength to open them again. Traces of your tears from yesterday were visible on your cheeks as lines of thin ice. You look at the hands in front of you which were clasped together. You pulled your sleeves over them then brought them closer to your chest. The skin on them was rough, wounds appeared at places where they were driest, but they still looked decent. Better than you expected. You try to move a finger or two, preparing yourself for the worst, but after a slight delay in the reaction most of them twitched. You couldn’t really use them because it hurt like living hell, but at least there’s a good chance that you’ll get to keep them. That is, if you get out of this place any time soon.

You’re perplexed you’ve actually felt relatively warm this night. Although the shelter provided some protection from the harsh wind, it wasn’t that effective against it, not good enough to keep you alive after what you went through yesterday. As you scrutinize the structure around you, you realize Dammek is not where you last saw him before you fell asleep. If you remember correctly, he was right in front of you before you closed your eyes. You shift your head slightly, just so you could take a better look around, then notice that something is moving behind you. You realize that your neck has felt so warm because of his breath from right behind, his face nuzzled against your shoulders. One of his arms was holding you around your stomach as if he feared you might escape during the night. It wasn’t extremely tight, but he still held you in place. He could feel you breathe this way, keep himself close to you, and give you some extra warmth. His legs were entwined with yours, his chest resting on your back. Your face turned hot as he lifted his head, taking the hand which he covered you with a moment ago to rub his face. He looked tired, his hair out of place (not that it usually looked groomed), and he mumbled as he sat up, gently shaking his head to rouse himself some more. He took a deep breath and finally opened his eyes only to spot you looking at him as if you were dumbfounded. Truth be told you actually were, feeling his warm body next to yours was a little too comfortable during the night and now you wondered if he did it because he wanted to for your sake, or because he needed your help to get out of this place so he couldn’t risk to lose you. Either way, the whole gesture struck you as unusual, and you were caught staring him right in the eyes as he realized that you survived the night. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even spend more than two seconds to look at you, just got up and crawled out of the shelter.

“If we don’t start walking soon, we’re going to lose the light. Besides, it seems a fucking storm is starting to form in the distance”, he said as he stood out onto the snow. The thin layer on top melted under the sun yesterday, then froze over during the night. It was not enough to keep your body weight supported so you don’t fall through, but it’ll make moving somewhat easier. You won’t sink into it as much as you did yesterday.

You look away from him, push yourself up with your arms then try to stand up on your legs. Your knees and ankles feel week, tingling from hypothermia that was slowly developing across your body. You didn’t want to acknowledge it. Dwelling upon the serious effects it might leave on your body was horrifying, so you chose to focus on another topic.

Like how to explain to Dammek that he’ll probably need to help you walk from now on.  
You hated asking him for help, not because he didn’t want to assist you, but because he’ll make remarks over how dependent you are on him, how you can’t do anything on your own, or how you give up so easily. Worst of all, you fear he’ll mention in how much pain he is, and that you should just clench your teeth and push through it. You lower your eyes, looking at the fingers you tried to squeeze in order to concentrate on gathering your strength to ask him this question, but they didn’t move much. You only felt that same tingling sensation you felt in your legs. At least you could move them even if it was only a little. You sighed, bit your lip as you finally decided to address him.

“Tetrarch, I… I don’t think I can walk…”, you gave him a timid glance before he turned around to face you. You sat up, your legs pulled out in front of you. There was frost over your sneakers and jeans. They were also stiff since they got really wet yesterday then the water froze over. You didn’t want to face him, but you gathered he was contemplating what exactly he should say to you. Should he leave you here and try to survive on his own, or take you with him which would be even more draining than walking on his own and risk getting caught in the storm.

“I’m not even surprised anymore. All the things that could have gone wrong are pretty much fucking happening”, he pushed the branches that constructed the shelter to the side exposing you to the light of day. He crouched next to you, taking you under your arm then helped you get up.

“Now we’re only waiting for some kind of feral beast to fucking finish us off. Our odds were actually considerably better yesterday, but we’re pretty much at fucking zero right now”, he put his other arm around your hip, giving you some extra support. Your legs felt loose and you couldn’t move them much, but it seemed that when you put your weight on them, they seem to hold you up.

“But you just had to get sick. You just had to fail at the only thing I asked for you. Typical. I don’t know why I was even expecting anything from you”, his words pierce through your skin like needles. Your throat aches as you try to suppress from crying again. Your eyes get a little puffy, but luckily he faces forward, in the direction you are headed, so he doesn’t notice. You dread over the thought he might actually leave you here to die if he notice you whining about it.

Although you aren’t sure how he feels anymore. He acts towards you as if you’re a piece of crap, keeps putting you down even though you try your hardest not to mess up, he straight up abuses you, physically and mentally, just so he could prosper. And it is always your fault. Never has he apologized. Never has he showed you any kind of affection. And the dream you had last night… Was it really a dream? Or was it just another cruel memory locked away in your subconscious, tucked away so you don’t have to face the trauma on a regular basis? If only your telekinesis was better, you’re sure the two of you would be closer. That’s the only thing he really wants, strong individuals by his side. All the other trolls he’s slowly gathering to do his bidding in the upcoming plan have useful traits he’ll make sure to use wisely. Everybody he knows is helpful.  
Everyone but you.

You stand on the side and watch. You’re the runt of the litter, a punching bag that others use to take out their frustrations. Their eyes red from bloodlust, grinning in your face as they laugh at your incompetence. Dammek stays on the side, away from you, aware of what is happening but he never intervenes. You believe he waits for you to stand up for yourself, hopeful to see them trigger your powers somehow when you get angry. That never happened, and you doubt it ever will. You are not one of those people that performs well under pressure, and if Dammek hasn’t figured out he’s using the wrong approach till now, then are you really as close as you believe? It’s become wistful thinking really, you keeping this relationship with him. It’s obvious he’s going to end it one day, either with your death, or when he realizes you truly do not hold any potential to improve.

As for you… You’ve actually never considered it. Ending it, you mean. When you think back and what you used to be, what you shared and went through, you don’t want to lose that. Ever. Memories aren’t enough for you, they never were, and it’s been tough these last couple of years since he changed. You grasped onto the small fragments of what seemed to be his former self, but you knew the Dammek you knew as a child was long gone, replaced with a ghost of what he used to be in the shell of a tyrant. You held on to all those instances when he treated you as his equal, when he laughed with you, when the two of you hung out in his hive playing video games, when you played together and composed music.

But you stopped creating music a while ago, more precisely when he started working on this latest project: the portal. There was a period when you stopped communicating completely. He cut you off so he could concentrate and you spent sleepless nights wondering if this was actually the way he decided to break it off. Oh how happy you were when he invited you over to show you something, thinking he wanted to talk to you again, but alas, it was only to show you the strange new contraption.

Even then you couldn’t find the strength to abandon him in his madness, because you knew, after that month or so of not hearing from him at all, that you couldn’t live without him. It was a strange new discovery, one that made you cry yourself to sleep multiple times, because you realized no matter what he did to you, you’d always care for him. He could have molested you all he wanted, and you’d come crawling back for more just so you could see him, just so you could hear his voice and bask in his presence. Maybe it was because he was your only friend, or maybe because you realized that the moirallegiance you two had wasn’t enough for you. There were stronger feelings you felt for him, and no matter how much you tried to put them aside, they were stronger than you. And it was killing you from the inside.  
Because he was everything to you, and you meant nothing to him.

 

The little support he gives you is enough to make you move. You’re progressing slowly, your whole body hurts, but you advance through the forest, finally reaching the creek where you take a short break. You manage to find a suitable place on the shore where you can sit on some gravel which was not covered in ice. You even get to drink some water, which you eagerly gulp down. You were severely dehydrated these last few days. Eating snow was not an option because you couldn’t get enough water from it. It was also really cold, and you were already going down with a fever. Not that this fresh water was any better, because it might very well have an even lower temperature than its solid form, the only reason it didn’t freeze over is because it keeps moving down the slope. You didn’t care about the possibility of it being toxic either. Out of all the things that could kill you here, water would probably cause the least painful death.

You wondered if you might stay here for a while. This area was relatively dry, bare unlike the forest you just stepped out of, so there was a higher chance that you might get a fire going. If you could only gather some branches, put them in a pile, then lit them up. It would take you an hour at most. But you didn’t even dare to ask him about it. You knew he wanted to continue as soon as possible. You were on an exposed place right now and he commented something about hearing a larger animal walk pass you. This new planet was filled with things you haven’t seen or heard of before, and although seemingly alike, you are scared of the thought that you might run into a huge goliath of a beast that could tear you apart.

The soothing sound of water started lulling you to sleep. You still felt so tired from yesterday, and the fever that started off as something trivial now began to exhaust you. Your cheeks burned and your eyes were heavy. At least you weren’t nauseous so you could continue walking with Dammek. He was sitting next to you, staring at the distance where the two mountain ranges parted, creating what will probably turn out to be a valley. Or a lake. There’s a large open area ahead, and you can’t even spot the mountains behind it. Dark clouds covered the sky and the wind started rising. A few snowflakes started appearing around you, swirling in the air.

“Get up! There’s smoke in the distance!” he jumped on his feet and rushed to get you up. You raised your arm so he could grab you under it, but were perplexed at what he was talking about. You saw nothing on the horizon. Wherever you looked, there were either dark pine trees or the grey sky.

“Are you sure? I don’t see anything.” He lifted his hand and pointed right at the bottom of the cliff on your left.

“There!” You squinted, hoping this will help you register the slight contrast in color from the sky. And really, right where the tree tops met the rocks, you saw the discontinuous trail of a smoke. Smoke meant fire, fire meant civilization. Civilization might mean salvation. Suddenly your ears rose up and a spark of hope appeared in your eyes. You couldn’t help but smile. You glanced to Dammek who was looking at you till then. You felt his gaze glued on to you, and you couldn’t help but notice that the corner of his lips formed a smirk, just enough to tell you he too was excited to finally come across some good news.

You eagerly got back into the forest. The riverbank was too narrow and rocky to be used as a way to travel, even though it would probably be the quickest way to travel since most of it was cleared off from any snowfall. But you doubt you would be able to use it even if it were clear, it would have all been frozen over and slippery from the ice. No, going through the forest was your best option, both of you knew it.

 

Dammek picked up the pace that you barely followed. The excitement didn’t last long, fatigue took over again. You languished, barely even moving your legs anymore. Dammek was the one doing most of the work, dragging you with him. You knew he was tired too, you had no idea where he found the strength to carry on with you under his arm. Was he cold like you? Did his fingers get frostbites as well? Did his lungs burn as he struggled for the cold winter air? Hope was probably the only thing making him keep going.

The sun was setting. The smoke was barely seen through the dense trees. If you continue walking as slow as you are, you are not going to reach that fire till sometime deep during the night. The problem was you who were slowing Dammek down drastically; taking away his energy and making him stop every now and then so you could gather some strength. You were parched; your stomach was growling from hunger, you were barely keeping your eyes open. The more you thought about how you the both of you were going to reach the source of that smoke, the more you realized you are not going to make it. You’re being realistic here. The fever is making you weaker with every step, you don’t remember when was the last time you walked more than a few feet on your own, and you think your fingers are getting seriously damaged to the point of no return.

 

After a few hours of going through the deep white cover of ice, you finally collapse, your legs sinking under your weight. You slip through Dammek’s arms, falling onto your hands. You try to push yourself up, but you quickly fall through the snow unable to get up again. Dammek quickly takes you by the arm and tries to pull you up, wanting to make you keep going. He doesn’t say anything because this happened a couple of times before, but this is the first time your muscles were completely loose. Tears started appearing on the corners of your eyes and you tried to make yourself stay calm, but the sheer sorrow, exhaustion, and pain all combined into a rage of emotions you couldn’t stop. Dammek dragged you to the nearest tree and sat you down, his brow furrowing as he realized this is you finally giving up.

“Get the fuck up, Xefros!” You waved your head, inelegantly wiping off your tears with your shaking hands. You barely made any difference with the motion, your shirt was frozen solid and couldn’t take in any more liquid. It actually hurt more when you tried to cover your face and look away from him, than if you just let yourself weep in front of him. You knew he was fuming with rage, you know he wanted to strike you so you would snap out of it. You knew you were just an inconvenience for him.

But you just couldn’t help but sit in front of him, your legs motionlessly laying on the soft ground, your fingers stiff from the frostbites, your skin covered in scars from the freezing air. You hated how uncontrollably your body was shaking as you were sobbing, crying your eyes out and screaming from pain. You’ve had enough. You couldn’t do this anymore. There was no reason for you to live anymore. Not even he was a reason good enough. You were only slowing him down. You were a burden, a moron who thought he could actually do something meaningful in his life, when in reality it was always obvious you were never going to reach your adulthood. You were hated by everyone around you, even your moirail, for who you were and who you weren’t able to become. A mistake, a waste of space. All your life, through all these years.

“We didn’t walk till here for nothing! I didn’t carry you all those miles just so you could break down as a fucking low-life you are and weep about how bad your life is!” You heard him yell at you, but his words meant nothing. They were carried off by the wind that suddenly got worse. Snow started falling and struck you like blades, ripping your dry skin on your cheeks. It dried out your tears, which you ran out of because of your dehydration. There was no point in crying anymore. The violent sobbing only made things worse for you since your whole body was aching. So you calmed down, eyes closed, listening to Dammek’s words as he rebuked you for all the mistakes you made, for all the things you have ever done.

“It’s over, Dammek”, you said simply, your voice breaking as you whispered it out. He stopped yelling, trying to catch his breath as he noticed you were speaking to him.

“I can’t do this anymore”, your head was so heavy. It started involuntarily falling to the side so Dammek kneeled in front of you so he could make you look him in the eyes. Not that he could help the situation since you couldn’t keep them open anymore.

“Xefros, I told you to pick your ass of the ground and help me carry you these last few miles to that smoke!” he took you by the shoulders and shook you, preventing you from dozing off.

“It’s ok, Dammek… You don’t need me. I would only get in your way… It’s not like I was somebody special anyway”, you opened your eyes just to see a blurry image of him. Silence took over the forest and you waited for him to make any kind of remark to what you said. But you waited in vain because he just stood motionless in front of you. It’s not that you expected any kind of reaction; you just wanted to be alone. There were no more words that you felt the need to say, no explanation, no confession. And he knew it too. The blank stare he gave you was him trying to figure what to do, but for the first time finding himself in a situation he couldn’t control. There was nothing more he could do. No amount of yelling, arguing or screaming would make you feel any better and help you survive. He knew your mind was made up because this was the first time you decided to define him, this was the only time you wanted him to understand there was nothing that he could do that would fix this.

“I’m fine here. I’ll be fine…”, your voice quivered as you realized these might as well be your last words. You just want him to leave, to stop looking at you with that petrified stare, his mouth slightly agape trying to find words that could explain what he was feeling right now. Instead, you saw bronze-tinted tears streaming down his cheeks under his glasses as he swallowed. His body started trembling, and the hands which were till now holding your shoulders gripped your shirt as he pulled himself closer to you. His face pressed against your chest as he wept in front of you. You sat motionless, unable to understand what was exactly happening. The warmth of his body comforted you. You lifted your arms to embrace him, ran your fingers through his raven dark hair, uncoiling the messy tangles at the back of his neck. You are finally witnessing him showing you something other than rage or disappointment. After all these years trapped in a persona where he needed to keep his emotions bottled up and hidden, he finally decided it was time to let go, because there might not be a tomorrow. Nobody was here around him who would judge him. Not even you, because in the end, you were a nobody as well. Your opinion never mattered, not to him, not to anybody else. But still, he decided to confine in somebody so pitiful as you, a mere rust-blood with no future whatsoever, a rust-blood who cries in front of his moirail because he is faced with death that he is afraid of. The lowest of the low met at his lowest.

“You are everything to me”, he cried out, gripping your shirt tighter. His breath quivered while he slouched in front of you. His breath grew heavier, but he stopped trembling as much. He rubbed his face against you to draw in what’s left of your scent. You glanced at him, failing to react in any other way except stroking the back of his neck in an act of fondness and compassion, before closing your eyes again. His remark broke you inside and you thought to yourself maybe you did mean something to you, maybe your life did have a value after all.

“I cannot lose you… I cannot do this without you. Everything will fall apart”, he said, fingers slowly loosening but still holding you close. He didn’t dare to face you, making you see him vulnerable like this. Exposing himself at his weakest was admitting defeat, but what could you do about it? You never hurt him, you never spoke back to him, and you never once laid a finger on him except in a friendly manner. You were there for him when he needed you most, and left him alone when he didn’t want company. You suffered days on end just to give him what he wanted, and after all you’ve done for him, he still thinks you’d dare to hurt him in any way?

“I’m so sorry for everything”, he calmed down, “I don’t deserve you”, he muttered.

“Every time I pushed you away, you came back with open arms. Every time I struck you, you’d return with a smile. Every time I fumed with rage, you calmed me down with soothing words”, he finally lifted his head up, looked at you with his cheeks flushing brown. His tears were wiped on your shirt, which was still warm from his touch. You couldn’t help but smile. Hearing him finally expressing himself in other ways except yelling made you happy. After all he’s been through he finally found himself in a position where he realized he could trust you, that you don’t care what he went through and what he became, but you love him for who he is.

“You need to stay with me, Xefros. We’re almost there, we just need to keep going”, he pleaded, trying to look you in the eyes but you were dozing off again. He gently removed the hair from your face, just so he could try to make you open your eyes again, but you couldn’t. He gently grasped your face with his rough hands, wiping off the traces of tears with his thumbs. The tender touch allayed your sense of misery and you formed a slight smile. He leaned closer, his breath brushing against your cheek as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“You need to come with me”, he whispered, exhaling onto your parted lips. You feel him stopping, lingering in front of you as if contemplating whether or not to close in that space in between the two of you and press his chapped lips against yours. If he would to just tilt his head a little, or lose his balance just for a moment, he would seal that kiss. But instead you feel him forcefully closing his mouth, gently pushing himself away from you in an attempt to restore control over his emotions. He bites his lip and stands up.

“We’re going to find that motherfucking fire and we’re going to get out of here”, he didn’t even ask you to get up, to help him pull you up. He just took you under his arm and picked you up. You tried to protest, murmured something about not being able to walk, but he didn’t listen to you. He just started to walk, dragging you with him. You have no idea where he got the strength from or how the hell did he manage to psychically make himself continue after a whole day of walking through the thick layer of snow. You tried to look at him as he held you, a determined look on his face. You couldn’t believe he set his mind on helping you get to your destination no matter what happens. It was dumb, unrealistic, but that didn’t stop him. This newfound admiration you found for him inspired you to try moving your legs again. It didn’t happen with ease, but you managed to make a few steps every now and then, and you proceeded to make your way through the woods.

 

If it weren’t for the dense trees around you, you doubt you’d ever make it out of this snowstorm. When you’d look up towards the tree tops, you saw how the wind bent even the larger branches without problem, ruthlessly trying to break them as a show of pure force. You pulled yourself tighter against Dammek, clenching your arm around his waist so you wouldn’t fall off his hip. The only sound was the two of you rustling through the woods, the wind blowing above you, and the distant splashing of the creek water through its bed. At least until you heard voices in front of you.

A couple of humans, around half a dozen of them, were audibly laughing and talking behind the walls of a cabin. It looked as if it was a small family home, with a shed behind it and a garage next to it. There was and space enclosed with a wire fence that kept some domesticated animals inside. You think you noticed a few chickens and some goats, but they quickly ran inside the small shelter they had built in their coop. You guess they sensed intruders coming their way.

You closed in on the house, hid behind some bushes. You noticed two dogs staring at you in the dark. It didn’t took them long to stand up, look directly at you through the thick shrubs, then bark at the top of their lungs in order to alarm their owners. The light on the porch turned on almost immediately and soon one of the humans was out holding a flashlight in his hand. He spoke to the dogs, asked them something as though they’d respond, then pointed the light at your direction.

You gave Dammek a timid look, trying to decipher what his next move is going to be. He didn’t even acknowledge you, just kept staring at the little shed with the open doors. It was dark there, barely any light reached to the inside, but the little that did bounced off a long metallic object. As the flashlight shone in Dammek’s direction it uncovered his long white teeth showing under a wide satisfied smile. You knew very well he saw those rifles.

Now the only thing left to do is to sneak up around the house to grab them, then proceed to the house.

You were not leaving without supplies. And you’re going to get them with any means necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck! Ok so I got so much positive feedback for chapter 1 that I just needed to continue chapter 2 immediately!  
> I am so fucking tired tho because I was writing all day and it's currently 1am. ^^'  
> Still! I hope you liked this new chapter. It was somewhat slow but the next one should be more interesting. :)  
> I hope you'll stick around.
> 
> Again, comments are super appreciated and one of the main reasons I feel inspired to write more!  
> I apologize if there's any incoherent sentences. I can explain them if you don't understand. English is not my first language plus I rushed in order to post this (which was not smart but whatever).
> 
> (P.S. my tumblr is [kudravi-nesit](https://kudravi-nesit.tumblr.com/) and you can find doodles and some extra stuff about the fic under the tag "acahh" ;) )


	3. Like Death Warmed Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a fatal error happens in Dammek's plan to take over the local house, Xefros finds himself unable to forgive him.  
> The only thing he can do now is run, away from Dammek and what he has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up because there's depictions of violence in the beginning!  
> (Nothing too much but just to be sure <3 )

The dogs were still tense, but the owner moved back inside after he grew tired of searching for imposters in the dark without any luck. The light on the porch was illuminating the two canines that were still having their eyes aimed directly at you, quietly growling at the sound of your breathing. You stayed perfectly still, unable to move from anticipation of Dammek’s next move. He was fixated on observing the movements of the animals, his eyes slightly narrowed in order to focus his entire attention on calculating the perfect timing for stepping away from the hiding place. Grabbing those weapons and loading them before heading inside needed to be executed without any mistakes; otherwise you two might get into some serious trouble. Trouble you wouldn’t be able to escape from, not with the hunger, dehydration and exhaustion both of you were experiencing.

You knew he was in no better condition than you. You felt how his legs gave in more times than you could count when he carried you to here. He was weak, his fingers barely holding you in place when you walked. His breath heavy, coarse from the frost in the air that traveled to his lungs, from all those days spent without decent food or water, from kneeling in front of you while cold tears flowed down his face and warmed your sore heart. His lips chapped, damaged from the weather, bleeding when he tried to utter a word. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him when you roamed through the dark forest, his eyes glowing in the night like hot embers, burning with the fire of perseverance which clouded the true feeling of utmost hopelessness. You noticed how they changed to a dull color when he lost site of the smoke at one moment, all the faith he once had swallowed by the greedy claws of anguish. You wanted to address him, tell him that he doesn’t need to worry, that you at least got each other, but comforting him would only be empty words that you didn’t truly mean. Your hope was gone a long time ago, and you could see your bodies side by side, frozen in time after being taken by the storm, your face buried in his chest listening to his faint heartbeat as he holds you in an embrace in an attempt to provide you with some warmth, his head resting on top of yours. You never believed he would manage to get you to here, both of you alive. And he knew you already gave up every bit of faith you had left, and the only reason you were now capable of staying awake was for his sake.

 

He turned his head, scanning the area for places where he could move out of sight from the people that were chatting inside. Luckily, there were no windows facing you on the ground floor, only the outside structure of a fireplace. The only real problem was sneaking around those dogs that would cause a commotion again if they smell or hear Dammek approaching. No matter how careful he could walk around the property, he could not escape their increased senses.

Nevertheless, he devised a plan of action, formulating the exact way he’ll use to get to the door, get the weapons, and then proceed inside the house. You saw a vehicle parked outside the house, a large pickup truck with steel chains around the wheels with deep ridges, making it perfect for driving in these conditions (not that any other kind of car would be able to get through this snow at all), and you knew the two of you need to take it in order to escape from this place. You barely survived walking these 30 miles, you won’t make it through another, not with the weather getting worse. But before you go anywhere, you’ll need to take some supplies with you. You’ve become used to your stomach constantly growling and the lack of strength you’ve been feeling because of it, but the cold is unbearable, and your mouth has been dry for days now, the cold water doing being little to no relief since it was too painful to drink a lot of it at once.

Dammek turned to you, putting his index finger over his mouth to tell you to stay quiet and not to move until he goes to check out the situation. You were actually happy he didn’t make you go with him. Truth be told you were not so great at stealth missions that he sometimes made you do for practice. At strength focused exercises, yes, you would succeed with no problem while he struggled. You guess all those years you spent doing physical work like climbing, and even cleaning, and the years he spent in dark rooms hiding behind computer screens, had its effects. He was still faster than you, quicker and lighter on his feet. That’s why he was going first, he’s much less likely to be noticed.

He slid behind you, keeping his head low. His antlers were probably sticking out a little over the bush, but since they weren’t reflective in the dark, they just looked like a couple of branches. He was keeping his eyes glued to the house, monitoring the visible windows as he went around the house. The dogs started growling again and you feared that their owners might come outside for a better look. Dammek stopped for a moment in order for them to calm down, or at least stop being as loud as they were now. You knew there was no point in waiting since they’re going to start barking as soon as he steps out of the shadows of the woods, out in the open of the clearing in the back of the yard. He didn’t need a lot of time to reach the shed, though. If he ran as quickly as he could towards it, he’d be there in a matter of seconds, shielded again from watchful eyes. It was still risky. He couldn’t predict if the people would go outside and let the animals loose. If that happens and he doesn’t enter the shed in time, he’d get attacked by them, and you wouldn’t be able to help him, just stand in the dark and watch, knowing he wouldn’t want you to come any closer and jeopardize your life as well. But he needed to take that chance, because there was no way in hell that he’s going to leave without absolutely robbing the place from all its valuables; in order words, taking their food and water.

The dogs finally relaxed just enough for him to realize this is the opportunity he’s been waiting for. He just needs to wait a little bit longer. They need to start thinking there really was nothing in between the trees, that an intruder really wasn’t thinking of breaking in. He held his breath, looked towards that little wooden structure that was so pathetic it could barely even be called a building, he crunched down silently and sprinted towards it while holding his breath. He reached the door, tried the knob and there was a quick moment where a smile appeared on his face as he realized it was unlocked. Not that it would be a problem taking it down because the wood was rotting away, but this way he won’t cause as much noise and he could close it afterwards. He quickly slithered inside, leaving no evidence anybody was there except for the footprints in the snow leading towards it, but he couldn’t get rid of those without being noticed first. The two dogs went wild, this time trying to break off the chains that were holding them. All that commotion made two of the people inside the house come out of hiding, distress clearly visible on their faces. They ran towards the dogs, each holding a flashlight and searching for something in the bushes. You looked away when they were about to point it in your direction, holding your head low. You can’t risk being seen and putting you or Dammek in danger. You held still for a couple of seconds, making sure they didn’t see you. They started talking to each other, took the dogs off their leashes and stepped back in surprise as the two animals ran away towards the back. Your heart started racing as you watched the two humans approach the shed carefully walking towards it. Their pacing was slow, but steady. You’re sure they encountered similar situations with animals breaking in before because one grabbed a long stick lying on the ground next to the shed. The other one was nervously holding the flashlight as he reached towards the knob. The dogs stood still, growling and aggressively pulling their ears back. Dammek was surrounded, and you held your breath as they finally opened the door.

 

The barrel of the shotgun was pointed right at their heads, only a few feet of space between their faces and the two black openings of the rifle. They stepped back, their breathing heavy as they started sweating even though it was less than zero degrees outside. The dogs were still growling, but the people quickly shushed them, making them stay out of the way. Dammek emerged from the shadows, his face finally illuminated by the glow of the lights and you noticed there was a slight smile on his face clearly revealing his sharp teeth. He nodded towards the building, and the two of them looked at each other before swallowing and turning around to walk to the front of the house. He led them to the porch, gun still aimed high at their heads. He ordered them to tie the animals again and they listened without uttering a word. They were too scared to do anything but obey him. There was nothing much they could do anyways. You were sure Dammek wouldn’t hesitate to shoot either of them if they make any sudden movements. He was outnumbered though, and even if he did manage to shoot one of them, the other could attack him, or even the dogs. This was a risky situation and you didn’t like your odds one bit, especially because there are more people inside. You knew Dammek was going to make you go take a second gun from the shed just in case, even though you wouldn’t be able to make yourself use it. But they didn’t know that. The only thing they knew was that the rifle was pointed right at them, and you hope that’ll be enough to keep them under control.

You were watching attentively, your ears pointed upwards in anticipation. He glanced at you, turning his head only for a couple degrees after they started opening the doors, which was the sign you were waiting for. You hurried along to go get the other weapon. Even if you won’t use it, he’ll probably want it for later. You also grabbed a couple more rounds and stuck them in your pockets. You noticed a larger hunting knife that you’ll probably use to cut down trees and branches, not to kill. In any case, it’s a useful tool. After you were done, you quickly ran into the house where you found Dammek looking over the four people tying each other up.

 

As you opened the door he instinctively pointed the gun at you then quickly turned around to get back to the humans.

“Damn it, Xefros! I almost fucking killed you”, he hissed through his teeth. Your face turned red because it was an honest mistake, you really could have somehow signaled him that you were the one coming inside the house. You weren’t sure how exactly you would do it without scaring him and potentially causing him to actually shoot at you, but you guess you could have found a way.

“Sorry, Tetrarch…” you whispered, lowering your gaze out of shame. He waved his head in frustration then nodded towards the door he was facing that was located behind the couch. You took the hint and hurried towards it, careful not to interfere with his job. His concentration was at its peak and you knew any little distraction could cause for him to lose sight of his objective, which was making sure that the humans don’t do some stupid shit like accidentally attack either of you while he’s not looking. Anyways, you knew you had a job to do, and that was to take their supplies.

You entered the room he was pointing you to and discovered it was a small kitchen. It was nothing special: a rusty old refrigerator that had notes pinned on it, some cupboards whose color started to flake and fall onto the yellow-tinted tiles on the floor, a sink filled with dirty dishes, an oven that had some larger pans stored inside it, and a dining table located behind the counter. There were dried plants on the windowsill, a radiator beneath it. You guess the heating during the winter was not too healthy for them. The lights above you were illuminating the room with a orange hue, all except one, which was slowly burning out and flickering. Almost the entire surface of the room was stained with either mud, leftovers from food, or other materials you didn’t want to know about. There was a distinctive smell of lemon air freshener that was trying to cover a disgusting smell of something rotting in vain. You covered your mouth and nose, put the rifle, knife and other stuff you took with you from the shed on the counter so you could have your hands free, then made your way to the fridge while trying not to touch anything. You doubted there’ll be anything worth taking if it turns out the contents of it are similar to the ones of the entire kitchen. Still, you checked inside. Sure enough, you instantly faced some stuff that was obviously lost with the battle of time. There was mold growing over what seemed to be yogurt, but you weren’t sure because the mush started turning into a solid. And the mold was fairly thick. The mere thought of somebody actually deciding not to waste this and actually eat it made your stomach turn upside down. You took a deep breath through your mouth (not your nose because you’re pretty sure you would die), and scanned the rest of the shelves.

You took out all items that looked decent. All of them were pretty much expired, but you did find some that were edible. You were so hungry you wouldn’t mind some mild food poisoning if it meant getting something in your mouth. After putting it all to the side, you noticed there were some plastic bags stored next to the fridge. You took one that looked clean, put the things you found inside it, then placed it on the counter for later.

The next problem was water. You knew they had running water, but you couldn’t take too much with you. Besides, you weren’t exactly sure where this water was coming from. This was an isolated place in the woods, you doubt it’s sharing it’s pluming with other houses. No, they must be using a reservoir, and that means they can’t trust the water will be drinkable. So you looked into the cupboards, searched the entire place before noticing a narrow wooden door behind the dining table, right across the stairway leading to the second floor. Turns out it was a pantry, filled with some durable foods. And more importantly, gallons of fresh water stored in large bottles. You take two, carry them to the counter, then proceed to take some more. You also grab some cans that were in the storage area. Those are definitely not going to poison you even though they’re probably tasteless. You noticed there was canned bread on the top shelf. You don’t even consider taking it with you. You’re hungry but you would rather starve.

 

You go back to the living room only to find Dammek with his rifle hanging around his body. He’s looking over the room more relaxed than he was initially, rummaging through the jackets that were lying around on the furniture. The people were sitting on the floor, their arms and legs tied together. They had a piece of cloth over their mouths so they wouldn’t communicate between each other or try to reason with Dammek. He would not be too happy about it, mostly because he isn’t interested in anything they can offer him. You’ll take everything you want with you anyway. He notices you are standing in the doorframe waiting for him to notice you. He raises his eyebrow in order for you to tell him what you want.

“I packed all the food that we can use plus a few gallons of water. It should last us for a couple of days.” He walked towards you, looked at the humans who were still watching him in distress then pointed you into the kitchen, probably to talk.

“I haven’t found the keys to the car yet, but that information will be easy to get from them. They’re obviously scared shitless and will do anything I tell them to do. You’ll then take all of this and put it in the back. You can also grab some of their clothes and blankets. It’s not like they’re going to need them once we’re done”, he kept his voice down so they wouldn’t hear him.  
You were about to agree with him, but then realized what he was implying. Your mouth fell open as you looked pass him in order to check on the hostages who stopped trying to get loose and suddenly looked really tired.

“You… You can’t! They didn’t do anything to us!” you replied in shock. You can’t believe he’s actually considering it. You’ve taken those people hostage, took their food and water and are about to take their only way out of here, and now after everything they’ve been to, he actually wants to kill them?

“They fucking saw us, Xefros! The word will be out soon! These little fuckers have really good connections between each other, their technology basically challenges ours! They will hunt us down”, his voice was stern. He stepped forward and frowned.  
“We can’t risk having them expose us.”

“Then just leave them like this! It’ll buy us some time! Somebody must come looking for them one day, and we’ll be long gone before that!” you pleaded. Your voice was starting to break because the way he was looking at you till a moment ago was telling you his decision was final, but after giving him an idea with this other option, he actually seemed to start considering it.

“And then they’ll keep their mouths shut? I don’t think so.”

“But what if you do kill them? What if they find them slaughtered and tied up? Do you think the ones who find them will just think an animal did that? Even if you get rid of all the evidence, they’ll still be missing and people would start asking questions.” He paused, bit his lip and looked towards them over his shoulder. He was thinking about what he should do, and you prayed he’s actually considering your option. He turned around and sighed.

“Fine. But we lock them in the basement.” You knew he wasn’t going to offer another proposition, so you quickly nodded, affirming that you like this plan better. You felt a huge relief. This was one of the rare occasions he actually decided to even contemplate about your solution. He usually just told you to shut up and let him do the thinking. You’re the one following his orders, not the other way around. And this made you believe again how your relationship might not be purely one sided, that you have a role in it other than just being his servant. Your heart warmed up when you remember how close you once were, how you helped with each others’ problems, how you would tell what was on your mind and he would listen, how you’d be there for him when his paranoia got the best of him. In the same time it was painful, thinking about the past and what was once but is not anymore. Still, you couldn’t help but smile at the fact that deep down he’s the same person you were pale for so many years ago.

“I’m good with that”, he looked at you, and you couldn’t be sure under that orange lighting in the kitchen was he really blushing or was that only from the ambience. He took the rifle back in his hand, just so he could use it to scare the hostages a little more, and was already ready to turn around but then froze in place, his face going pale and his eyes opening wide. You were about to turn around, look at what might have startled him like that, but you could only notice the metallic shine from the hunting knife that you left on the counter flying towards you, a scream filling the air before being overcome with the loud sound of a gun going off.

 

***

 

You cross your arms. You forgot how cold it was outside. You stormed out of the house without thinking how you’ll actually need to take something with you in order to make it to the nearest sight of civilization. There were a few jackets hanging right next to the door that could have been a perfect fit, but you didn’t perceive them. After you started running everything has been a blur, even literally, because your eyes got filled with tears as flashes of what just happened wouldn’t leave you alone. The sight of him pulling the shotgun up, pressing it so effortlessly against his shoulder as he aimed right next to your head, the knife shining under the light of the flame from the fireplace right before the deafening blow of the gun going off, and then falling onto the floor right in front of your feet, scarlet blood covering the floor and the wall behind the body that was still twitching as the person struggled to breathe, choking on blood as it filled his airways. His chest was absolutely ravaged, shirt blown to pieces and blended with the contents of his abdomen that were now spilling onto the tiled floor. You put your hand over your mouth, sick at the sight of the butchered body, then turned around facing Dammek, who was breathing heavily through his nose, keeping his mouth tightly shut trying to gain control of himself. He was panicking on the inside, knowing he had done the one thing he agreed not to, but he also knew it was the only thing he could’ve done to protect you, and he was already preparing himself for the fight you might start.

Might have, but didn’t.

You could’ve said something. You could’ve argued with him about what he had done, what the extent of this mistake is going to be, how people are going to find out about you, how he just put your lives on the ultimate line because now the rest of them might contact authorities. But you know this would lead to only one conclusion, and that is that getting rid of the witnesses is what will buy you the biggest amount of time in order to run as far as you can. One look towards them and you were faced with what real fear looked like. Their eyes widened as they glared at the dead body of their once loved family member, unable to speak, to act, to move. One of the women let out a muffled scream through the piece of cloth that was tied around her mouth, agony across her face as she tried to get up and desperately reach the corpse. One of the men managed to get on his feet, pulling the other one up with him. He rushed towards the two of you, hostility carved in thee wrinkles of his face, but was stopped when Dammek pressed the barrel of the gun right at his forehead. There was a moment where you all stopped, Dammek aligning the rifle to his line of eyesight, aiming directly at the middle of the man’s head who was pushing against the gun, challenging him to actually pull the trigger, all the while you tried to grab onto something beside you so you wouldn’t collapse from the extreme panic and anxiety that started taking over you. He ordered the man to get back as he glimpsed at you to see what your next move will be. You blinked a few times, trying to make yourself understand that this was really happening, that you are not in some horrid nightmare trapped in a false reality until you wake up in the morning. No, you are definitely wide awake. There is no escape, and you are forced to make a decision that’ll affect the outcome of not just your life, but of others too. Instead of overthinking it like you usually do, trying to figure out every single way things could get even worse then choose the option that was least likely to fail but eventually would, you just ran towards the door, pushing Dammek to the side as you stormed out of the house. You didn’t care what happened to him, how he’ll get himself out of this if he even will. You just knew you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, that this was the last straw.

It was the only thing you asked from him, a request, a plea actually. You knew he didn’t care if somebody got hurt, but he promised he’ll watch out how he handles himself for your sake. And you thought maybe this was it, maybe he’s finally accepting you’re not prone to violence and never will be, that you can’t stand to see other people suffering, that won’t change your state on the matter, and that maybe, just maybe, he could learn from you. Because he doesn’t need to be afraid of everyone, and not everyone poses a threat to him.

But as he pulled the trigger, you knew there was nothing and nobody that could change him. That no matter what you do, he’ll stay the same. And if you stay, he will ultimately be the cause of your demise. It’s not yourself you are worried about, but when he reaches his end, you won’t be able to bear to see him suffer. You’ll fall into the gutter right after him blindly following his lead.

 

It’s going to be a long night on the snowy road. You’re walking through an area that is more open, so the wind slits your face as the storm starts becoming worse. You really hope the path won’t get snowed in, because it is the only indicator that you are moving towards somewhere, towards some kind of destination, not just walking into the hungry mouth of death by hypothermia. The other positive side of the road is that the snowfall on it isn’t as high as the one around it, which will make moving a lot easier.

As you put your hand up to provide some cover for your eyes from the snow, you hear noise in the back: a loud mechanical sound that was blurred with the echo of something travelling through the icy road. You turn around, noticing two lights in the distance, blinding you in the darkness. Your heart starts racing, wondering who is approaching. The vehicle is making its way fast, and you notice too late how it’s getting dangerously close. Your eyes widen as you jump to the side to get out of its way, falling into the deep soft snow. The car moves past you, pulling its breaks and stopping a dozen meters in front of you. You stay still, trying to catch your breath as you fear that it might be the people who are inside the car after they overpowered Dammek, now looking for revenge. But you knew it was more likely that it was him who would overpower them, slickly pulling the trigger as he stood over them with disgust written over his face. He wouldn’t care, he never does, for anything or anyone. As the car drove back in reverse, you hurriedly started crawling backwards looking at the darkened windows with a panicked stare. You were frozen in place, trembling in front of the mechanical beast that growled in front of you, because you knew you would need to face him, and he’d scream at you for leaving like that. You weren’t mentally prepared for anything he could say to you, and you were contemplating whether or not to just get up and run away somewhere into the woods, hoping you could forget about everything that happened, about all the memories you shared; and about him, how he made you feel and how you didn’t care about any of that, only that you are by his side. You wanted to be taken by the snowstorm, your being consumed by the cold, your memories devoured by the eternal slipping of time, forgotten from everyone you have ever known and given back to the loneliness that has followed you throughout your whole meaningless life. Just so you wouldn’t need to see him again, because you knew you wouldn’t dare to leave him again.

The door suddenly opened, and you saw Dammek’s petrified face as he extended his arm out to push the door. He was trying to catch his breath, which made you realize you’ve stopped breathing from shock. You took in some air, still looking at him unable to move.

“Get in!” he told you, disappearing from your sight. You swallowed, made yourself get up even though your arms and legs were still weak. You crawled in the car, got in the seat but noticed Dammek wasn’t behind the wheel anymore. You sat confused, wondering where he went.

“Move!” he said appearing behind you and pushing you towards the driving seat. You jumped out of your skin, but quickly did as he said.

You noticed the seat was too low and slightly bent backwards so you searched around to find the lever to adjust it. In the meantime he was adjusting his seat, lowering it down as he struggled to turn around because his horns were getting stuck at places. Normally you would’ve laughed, but currently you were trying to find a suitable time frame when you could tell him you have no idea how to drive. He was still adjusting the chair. When he finished, he turned around to the back seat and grabbed something then threw it into your lap. You looked at it and lifted it up revealing a jacket. It was old, had some holes and smelt like alcohol, but it’ll keep you warm. At least until the car heats up, and you hope it happens soon because the scent really bothered you. You put it on ,maneuvering your body in the small space that was even more limited considering your horns that scratched the roof a couple of times as you squirmed around. Still, you were in a better situation than Dammek was. You could at least sit somewhat normally in the seat while he’s going to need to be almost laying down. As you looked towards him, you met his eyes behind his glasses and he raised his eyebrows to show you it’s about time you started moving this car because there’s probably still danger of getting caught.

“I don’t… know how to…” you blushed, knowing he’s likely going to yell again. Instead he just groaned, lifted his glasses and went over his face with his hand. He pulled the glasses up in his hair so they wouldn’t fall down again then looked underneath the wheel.

“Press right one to go, middle to stop. Don’t touch the left one. Put your foot on the middle one. Take this”, he took your arm and put it on the gear lever pressing the button on it with you, then pulled it down as you pressed the break.

“Now get your foot slowly off”, he said, letting go of your hand. The car started moving and you gripped the wheel with both hands.

“Now the right one” You pressed the gas pedal a little too hard, causing the car to almost jump a few meters in front. You nervously slammed the break and turned to the right. Dammek put his hands in front and pushed them against the control panel in front. He nearly slammed his head against the surface, but thankfully he reacted just in time. He sighed, looked quickly behind if there was somebody following you, then turned to you.

“I am on the brink of losing my mind right here, but I know they don’t allow low-bloods to learn how to drive. This is why we’re in dire need of a revolution”, he said that last sentence with a frustrated sigh, then got back to you.

“Okay, we have some time to spare because they obviously can’t travel as fast as us, but we need to act quickly. So you need to listen to my every word”, you noticed he was really tired, his voice getting hoarse and the eye bags under his eyes being unusually dark. So you swallowed, knowing that if you messed up all that weariness is going to manifest itself through yelling. And you really didn’t want to deal with that right now.

 

Aside from giving you instructions, the two of you didn’t really talk. There was a thick silence in the car. You were passing through the forest with a decent speed, not running into any obstacles or bodies of snow that you couldn’t get through with the car. The heating was bad, but it beats the cold outdoors and you are relieved your fingers are staying warm so you can properly hold the wheel. The smell of the jacket still bothers you, but it’s not as bad as when you first put it on. It’s warm and comfortable, which you really appreciate.

You drove for what seemed like forever, finally stopping after some 60 miles of driving down the road. There were no lights on the horizon, not that you could see very well since the wind really picked up. There was no telling when you would reach another building, a house, a shed, anything really, so he told you to stop when you turned left on a small offshoot of the road in order to stay out of sight. You parked the car between a couple of trees, not getting too deep into the woods so you don’t get stuck in ice and snow. During the night it is obviously going to snow some more, so there’s a risk of the two of you getting snowed in. And you can’t take that chance, you need to continue going, running away from everything that might kill you, from all those grotesque memories of the incident that happened in that old wooden home from which a river of blood flowed through the cracks in the floor.

As you turned off the car, you were struck with the painful realization that you’ll need to turn off the heating as well. The warmth that has built up till now will be gone in less than an hour, and you dread the cold that will certainly creep its way up under your skin again. Dammek turns to the door, pulls the lever and lowers the seat even more, straightening it out completely so it’s at the same level as the one in the back. You do the same, realizing he’s going to make a leveled area for sleeping. He pulled out some blankets and covers from the back. You help him spread it out, tucking the edges of the sheet around the corners of the so called “bed”, and when you finished, you realize you’ll have more than enough space to sleep on. You added some covers on top, spreading them evenly so they won’t get mangled and you’ll wake up trying to adjust them again so you could be covered completely. He even managed to pack a few pillows, and he filled the whole between the front two seats with supplies which he put your jackets over.

It was dark, almost too dark to even see anything, so Dammek told you to grab some flashlights that he took and put under the seats. You barely managed to reach them, but when you did and turned them on, you noticed how the two of you made a pretty comfortable looking sleeping space. Considering how he usually lives at home, he actually did a fairly good job of making it look pretty decent. He sat down, breathing in, then looked at you after you offered him a flashlight.

“You hungry?” he asked. You waved your head, suddenly realizing that you’re stuck with him again, even after you tried to run away.

But were you running away from him, or from the mess he caused? It was most likely a result from combining the two of those, but you hated yourself for knowing it was more because of the second one. No matter how much you wanted not to face him right now, to escape from his glare as he tries to pretend everything is fine and that you just didn’t risk your life just so you could get away from there, you also couldn’t deny the fact that a part of you did run away because of him. Your face burned and you noticeably avoided looking at him, so when he didn’t say anything after you answered, you took your jacket off (because you knew you just won’t be able to stand the smell through the night) and proceeded to lie down, covering yourself with layers of covers. You could hear him shift after a few moments of thinking, then doing the same as you. You couldn’t face him, didn’t have the strength to, so you turned your back to him, but you knew, you knew he didn’t do the same to you. He faced towards you, arms almost next to you, the tips of his fingers almost brushing against your shirt. You had a feeling he was trying to make himself speak, to explain himself and what happened.

There was nothing to talk about. You really did not want to discuss how you just decided to leave him, or what happened when you left. You didn’t want to argue about how either of you acted, because you both made mistakes that led you to Dammek murdering that man. You just know he’s going to say you weren’t careful enough, that you turned your back and created a distraction that was enough for the human to approach you with the knife. You know he’s going to scold you for running away when there was nothing to be afraid of. It was just four more people, four more victims, four souls nobody would cry for because in this wilderness death is not remembered but is a part of a daily cycle. Life is scarce and short, death is ubiquitous and eternal. And you should just accept it.

“Xefros…”, he whispered, his voice deafened by the howling of the wind that struck the sides of the car. 

“I’m sorry…”

 

You bit your lower lip, contemplating whether or not to give him any sort of sign you actually heard him. You wonder if he thinks you’re asleep. You wonder if maybe he is dreaming and mumbling in his sleep. No, you felt him move, you hear his breathing which is too shallow for somebody that’s not awake.

If you turn, you need to talk to him, you need to sort things out. You’re not sure if an apology is enough. You do ,however, know that uttering it out was probably very hard for him, admitting that he was wrong and that his actions do and will have consequences, consequences he might not be able to face. Your hands start shaking as you realize your throat tightens as you think how no matter what you say to him, it won’t change the fact that you’ll actually need to talk about what went wrong, and that maybe there’s no help for the two of you after all, no matter how much you’d want it to be.

So you roll to your other side, shifting the covers and trying to adjust yourself before you look at him. His eyes avoid to meet yours, looking at his fingers that almost instinctively reach out for yours, gently holding them as he hesitates as if he’s thinking about interlocking your hands with his, but is too insecure to actually bring himself to do it. His warmth soothes you, and you realize how much touching him feels right. You were never close physically, and this newfound hunger for contact is eating you alive. You sustain yourself, responding to his gesture by wrapping a few of your fingers against his, showing him that you’re listening to him.

“No matter how many times I ask you to do something, no… Not ask, order. Order you to do something, you listen to what I say”, his cheeks turn into a orange hue, his eyes still avoiding yours.  
“Truth is, I’ve been the biggest fucking asshole to you when you did nothing to deserve it. And now I drag you in again, making you come back to me even though you just ran away. Because I’m so fucking selfish”, the grip around your fingers tightens, then he pulls his arms back to himself, finally looking up and meeting your gaze.

“I can’t… I can’t imagine living without you… After you ran away I stood in that living room out of my fucking mind because I didn’t know what to do. I never…”, he paused, trying to stay composed by taking a breath, “Imagined my life without you. You were always by my side, and when I realized that this might finally be the day I lose you, I blanked out. I couldn’t picture myself alone. I know how it’s like, I know how it felt, and I forgot how miserable I have been when I was on my own. All that silence and guilt I needed to face every day as I knew I hurt you. So I grabbed the keys, took the things we already set up aside, and took the car. I didn’t even know where you went, I just drove hoping I would find you because I can’t lose you! I can’t picture a day where you’re not here with me! I couldn’t survive without you, Xefros! I can’t do it! I can’t because…”, he swallowed. His eyes widened, mouth slightly agape as he stared right into you. You looked at him in surprise, waiting in anticipation for his next move. You clenched your teeth, swallowing as you tried to inconspicuously bite your lip. The way he was looking at you, holding himself back, was driving you crazy. His eyes were never glowing in such a vivid amber color, and you felt weak as you realized he was so dangerously close to you.

He glanced down at your lips, just for a split second, before swiftly leaning forward into a kiss. Your eyes closed as your mouth met his, staying still while your heart beat like it would break through your ribcage. His lips were soft, dry from the cold but tasted so incredibly sweet against yours. The sensation was killing you as you stayed frozen in time for that moment, and you decided you wanted more. You gently kissed him back, breathing out into his mouth, and you felt his fangs brush against your skin. You lifted your hands, lightly touching his jaw line with your fingers as if to ask if you could touch him. He greeted you by grabbing you around your wrist and pulling you closer.

Part of you wanted to stop, wanted to get away from him and to run away, because you knew this wouldn’t lead to anything good. You knew you were absolutely obsessed about him, about everything he was, about everything he did, and that no matter what he’ll do to you, you’ll always run back to him. And while you were kissing him, quietly moaning under your breath, you realized that you are now completely and utterly addicted to him.

And now, after everything he’s done to you, he knows this kiss, this newfound closeness and desire he feels from you, could be used against you. You would mindlessly follow him wherever he would go, crumble underneath his words and provocations, just to be reborn when he’d decide to give you attention, to share a passionless kiss with you that you wouldn’t be able to live without. And he would notice how even just faint touches were enough, how he could just touch your hand while walking past you, run his hand through your hair, or hold you on the small of your back when he’d approach you from the back. He would be cruel, and you know you wouldn’t mind. You would only sink deeper into the black waters of his cold heart, choking on the wretched agony he would so effortlessly embed with his words, and being pulled down by the sweet taste of his velvet fingers across your skin.

“Stop”, you said and detached from him, pushing him away from you. He was visibly confused and you panted while looking at him, a faint cloud of warm breath appearing as you exhaled. You sat up, crawling a little bit away from him because you feared you might lean right back into his embrace. He blushed, looking distressed. He turned his gaze aside, scratching the back of his neck.

“Sorry, I must have… Gotten the wrong idea…”

You bit your lip and you felt tears filling up your eyes.  
“It’s just that I don’t want you to think that this is something you need to do”, you begun, grabbed the covers and clenched your hands tightly in an attempt to stay calm enough to finish what you wanted to say.

“I think… You always knew how I felt about you. You always seemed to push me away with everything you do, and I came back anyways, ready to go through all of that again, no matter how much it hurt. I was”, you laugh, your voice cracking and you breathe in to try and keep the urge to cry your heart out under control, “pretty obvious on that matter, even though I wasn’t quite sure myself, but… now we’re both absolutely sure. And I fear… No! I know that whatever you do I’ll stay with you, and… One day, it’ll probably destroy me.” You couldn’t dare to look at him. You hugged your knees, wanting to hide yourself from him. This was the lowest you could sink, a moment of pure weakness. He could shatter you with anything he did in response, even if that was nothing, even if you just continued sitting there in silence. But instead the dreaded silence that could have stayed between the two of you, you lifted your head at the sound of him quietly sobbing, wiping off his tears with his hand as he ineffectively tried to remain his poise. He was shaking, his face a bright orange color compared to the rest of his skin.

“All that I ever did, all those plans of getting us out, of fucking leaving that miserable place we called home, was all because of you”, his voice was discontinuous so he took a moment to calm down before he proceeded.  
“I tried to make you into something you weren’t, making you do things you didn’t want to, tried to train you into becoming ruthless like the rest of us. But you always proved how you’re not like the others, and I admired you for that. My admiration started becoming… something more, and I knew you should not suffer by becoming even closer to someone like me. So yes, I started to push you away in hopes that you would leave me, but you always fucking came right back, ignorant to all my insults and attempts to save you from myself. And my feelings just… kept getting stronger to the point that I couldn’t stand being near you. I hated you for all of that, for what you kept doing to me, and I started putting you through… so many terrible things. And still, you were always right there beside me, bruised and damaged from everything that I’ve ever done to you, and I fucking despised you for doing that. I detested how you could just continue living in all of this misery just to keep me safe”, he finally found the strength to look at you.  
“I am never going to be good enough for you. I don’t understand how you could ever see something in me beside a freak, how you could love such a monster that abused you for all those years.”

There was a pause. You heard the wind outside getting worse, pushing loudly against the windows which were blurred because of the temperature difference between the inside of the car and the northern night ravaging on the outside. His eyes were now a dull light brown, reflecting his soul falling into despair. Because he was right. He was right about everything like he always is. You were foolish to choose him, to chase him over the edge as he stepped over, falling into eternal darkness. You stayed because you wanted him to know he was not the person he thought he was, that there was good in him, good he could never see. He was blinded by self-hatred which was eating him alive. You knew that he felt he wasn’t enough, how everything he did was wrong, and he always put himself at fault. You knew because you would feel the same, thinking how you were wrongly placed in this world, how you were only meant to be a food source for somebody else. Just like him. What were two rust-blood ever going to achieve? You were both nothing, held no value to anybody. You were just going to get culled in the end, so why suffer through the loss of the other that came before? Why sink even deeper when you realize you finally lost one another?

Still, in this moment where the two of you were completely alone, thousands of miles away from all the problems you faced back on Alternia, locked in this car in the middle of nowhere, you finally felt like maybe you should finally give in. That it doesn’t matter where and how you die, because you couldn’t spend a moment without him. Your world would end with his death, and if he gets caught, you were going down with him. And whatever you decide to do now, you know you’ll face the same fate as him. You couldn’t fix him, you couldn’t protect him, you couldn’t promise him both of you were going to make it out of here alive. And you didn’t care about any of this, you only cared about him right now, in this moment, as he was, sitting with his shoulders raised from shame and guilt, waiting for you to choose your words. 

You swallowed then got closer, crossed your legs as you sat in front of him. You looked down at his hands gently taking them into yours, noticing how cold they have gotten since you’ve held them moments ago. You linger for a second, not saying anything, but only lightly caressing the back of his hands.

“And yet I still stay with you”, you said simply. There was nothing more you could tell him. His depression would devour any hope you try to offer him, tear apart any reasoning of why you would decide to torture yourself like this. You lifted your right hand, laid it across his cheek and wiped of the wet trail of tears that was shimmering on his skin. He closed his eyes shut, leaning into your hand as he tried to hold back from crying again. He stood still, clenching your other hand, his body shaking.  
He gently angled towards you again, locking his lips with yours. You were again taken aback with how incredibly right it felt to have him kiss you, to hear his heart beat in the quiet dead of the night, to feel the heat of his bare skin against yours that has been chilled by the frosted air. He was careful, shyly advancing and asking for more. His touch remained timid, his fingers reaching to your hips and gently pulling your closer. You never quite saw him like this, so considerate and insecure. He really was trying not to mess this up, he really wanted you to know how he cared about you, that this wasn’t all some kind of act. No, the way he nervously moved, his hands twitching from the slightest feel of your skin against his fingertips, it was because he truly did cherish you.

But when his hands reached under your shirt and slowly started sliding underneath it from your hips up, you suddenly lost balance as he leaned into you a little too much, his weight pushing you to the back. He fell on top of you, clumsily falling onto your chest. He looks up at you, and you can’t help but blush at how ridiculous this must have looked like. You cover your eyes with your hand and turn your head from him.

“Ok, that was embarrassing”, you mumble out to yourself and laugh, don’t even notice you said it aloud. There was a short moment of silence then you hear how he’s laughing too, and you lift your hand up a bit to see what’s going on. He has his palm across of his face, blushing with a vivid orange color as he tries to hide his honest smile. You pause, awestruck by the sight of him being sincerely happy, because it is something you haven’t seen in such a long time, and you can’t help but notice just how much this suits him, and realize just how attractive he looks like, his hair ruffled and wild, dark locks falling over his sunset-gold eyes which bashfully look at you with an emotion you haven’t seen in him before, and you weren’t quite sure what it might be. He lays next to you, then interlocks his fingers with yours. The silence between you is a little bit awkward, especially when you find out you’ve been staring at him for too long. His smile vanishes as quick as it appeared, and he shamefully looks down to your hands, fidgeting with your fingers as he hesitates to speak to you.

“It’s going to take me time… To learn how to get used to this,” he starts, his voice unsure, “but I want to change. I will change. If you give me one more chance”, he raises his head to look at you.

Change… All this years it has been all you wanted, to see him treat you like he did. But change is what made him who he is, he is not the kid that once swung from the treetops with you, he is not the kid that took you out just before dusk to go into the forest to spy on some lone lusus that lost its way, he is not the person who went to your house just to bring better movies you weren’t supposed to watch. No, he changed, and he is never going to go back to the person he was before depression and paranoia got to him. And you were ultimately fine with it, because he was now completely yours, his affection devoted to you and only you, and you greedily accepted it. Whatever he does, whoever he becomes, you’ll stay with him, take care of him as you always have, and always will be.  
You close your eyes, nuzzle against his chest and breathe in the pleasant smell of his shirt. You listen to his heartbeat that slowly lulls you to sleep. You feel complete.  
You feel safe.  
You feel …  
Warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as you did the first two!  
> This one was considerably longer (almost twice the size of chapter 1 or 2), and honestly it was difficult to write.  
> It took some unexpected turns, but I hope that the end product turned out fine.
> 
> I absolutely cannot believe the amount of positive feedback I've been getting for this story, and it's absolutely helped me greatly when I write.  
> My biggest motivation has actually become you guys expecting the next chapter so eagerly. ;w;  
> Thank you so much for every comment, for all the replies and support I've been getting. You're the best <3  
> All things related to the fic are tagged as "acahh" on my tumblr ([kudravi-nesit](https://kudravi-nesit.tumblr.com/)) and I've also received some fanart that I absolutely love so you can go check it out! (There's some of my own scribbles as well!)


	4. Lost among the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up and driving for the whole day, Xefros manages to reach a town.  
> Dammek decides they should go and get some fresh supplies (including some food that's actually edible).  
> What starts of as a simple break-in quickly turns into a life-threatening situation where they're held at gun point.

Mechanical humming coming from the outside woke you up. It took you a moment to realize where you are because for the first time in days you finally felt warm enough to wish that you could sleep a little longer. It was still fairly cold, but your clothes were pretty much completely dry by now, you were covered with at least two blankets, and there was the fact that Dammek laid right next to you and provided you with some well appreciated body heat. You noticed how it’s unusually dark. You are pretty sure you have slept even longer than usual, so the sun should be up by now, but you were too lazy to open your eyes and check. You stayed still instead, trying to catch a few more minutes of sleep before you needed to get up. It was Dammek who would urge you to get up, and you are not passing this chance to stay comfortable and get some more rest.

It didn’t take long for him to wake up, though. And he did it a little too abruptly, jerking into a sitting position with his eyes open wide as his ears twitched. You blinked a few times then leaned onto your arms so you could look at him and hopefully figure out what is going on. He put his finger across his lips to show you to stay absolutely silent as he tried to figure out the sounds coming from outside. He looked towards the windows which were completely covered with snow and waited. There was nothing to see, but he was sure the sound was coming from there, so he concentrated on trying to catch exactly what was producing it. You completely forgot that was what woke you up in the first place. It stopped almost as quickly as it appeared and didn’t occur again till moments ago. Whatever it was, it was manmade and operated by a person. The intervals of it being turned on and off were not consistent, therefore it couldn’t be automatic.

“Shit. They’re pretty close”, Dammek uttered to himself then looked around the car. He saw you looking at him and there was a short moment where you saw him blush and turn his gaze away.

“We should get going”, he got up and crawled towards the front door. He tried to open it, but it was stuck. He tried pushing it with his elbow and managed to do it, making half of the snow that covered the window fall off to the ground.

 

The snowfall during the night was quite high, and that was the reason he had some trouble with getting the door opened – the snow was blocking it. He jumped outside, disappearing behind the car, and you decided to put it on yourself to clean up the sleeping area and put the car in a driving condition. It wouldn’t take long. All you had to do is fold the blankets and covers, put them all nicely in the back where they were before, pop the front seats back into their original positions, and then adjust them so you could drive comfortably (you needed to lower Dammek’s again so he could fit). You also managed to get your door opened, so you jumped out into the fresh snow. It was almost knee high and you got worried how you’ll get out of it with the car even with the tires being pretty big and the whole body of the vehicle being pretty high of the ground. You heard rustling in front of the car, quiet creaking of metal parts. You noticed the hood was popped open, Dammek leaning over the exposed motor and fidgeting with some minor bolts around it. He was obviously frustrated and was concentrating on getting something done, but you weren’t sure what. You decided you would leave him alone until he called for your help. There’s no use in meddling with his business right now because you’re just going to throw him off track. You decided to make yourself useful and at least check what he put in the trunk, just so you would have a general idea of the things you have with you.

You were surprised by how much stuff he actually managed to throw in there. It was all covered with snow, but it was protected by a plastic cover that he probably put over prior to heading towards you. You took one of the edges and pulled it aside, throwing all the frost over the edge of the trunk and revealing a few bags and some tools. There was also a toolbox and a spare tire, but you’re pretty sure that was here before he took the vehicle. There was a relatively big shovel tucked behind the bags, which you know is going to be useful in this weather, especially if it turns out the car won’t be able to make it through to the road. Just as you were about to check the two bags, you heard Dammek calling for you. He wanted you to try and start the car.

You put the plastic cover over again, making sure it was tight as before so it wouldn’t fall off during driving, and then went to the front. You jumped onto the seat, cleaning off your shoes by hitting them against each other, turned towards the wheel, and turned the keys in the ignition. You remembered what Dammek was telling you about the pedals and how you needed to be careful which one to press, but no matter what you did, the car wouldn’t start.

“Shit! Fuck!” you heard from the outside and tried to peak through your side window to see what was going on. The windscreen was still impossible to see through and won’t be of much use until you clean it off with wipers. Or something stronger because you really doubt those are going to be enough.

“Ok! Hold on! Don’t fucking touch anything!”

 

You laid back, hands on your knees waiting for him to give you some kind of signal to start the car again. You were pretty sure he knew this was going to happen, that’s why he was already looking over the motor and corresponding parts under the hood. You weren’t sure what all of those parts were for, but you gather something is off, and it was probably caused by the bad weather you had yesterday.

Yesterday…

Yesterday was really something. It really did happen, didn’t it? You really did kiss him. Well, technically it was him that kissed you. He was so casual about it this morning. He still hasn’t spoken to you about it, nothing positive or negative, which wasn’t weird, because he generally doesn’t like speaking about his feelings, but you guess he could’ve at least… looked at you, for more than a few seconds. Or address you other than telling you what to do. You do believe he meant what he said yesterday, but after a good rest, does he still think this is a good idea? You try telling yourself you should not think of it like that, that he isn’t really avoiding you, that he really hasn’t only looked at you today for less than a minute. Ok, wait, now you sound desperate and paranoid. It’s only been about half an hour if not less. He can’t dedicate every living moment of the day to you. That’s not healthy, that’s not how relationships function. You groan to yourself and put your hands over your face as you feel blood rushing to your cheeks. You feel absolutely ridiculous thinking about this. This is not a primary concern right now, and he has better stuff to do than to just spend time with you. Or kiss you. Or lay next to you. Or touch you again. Ok, no, he really has no time for that and you should really stop thinking about this.

 

“Hey! I told you to try and start it again!”

You almost jump out of your skin as you notice him standing next to the side window, his glasses pulled up so they wouldn’t get in the way as he worked. He looked at you obviously confused by your flustered face. You apologized, scratched the back of your neck then told him he can go check in the front if everything is going alright. He left and you pressed the pedal again, turning the key as you gripped the wheel.

Alas, the engine started after a few tries. You heard Dammek close the hood again, and you turned the wipers on to try and get the snow off. Luckily, almost all of it was swept away immediately, leaving you with a clear view of the forest in front of you. Most of it was conifers, with their evergreen branches heavy with snow, but there were a few deciduous trees here and there, their naked branches frozen and brittle. You notice how the vegetation has changed throughout the few days you have spent here on this new planet, going from a shrubs and dry grass to trees over a few meters tall, and now to these giants creating the dark forest you’ve become accustomed to. It was strange how much you’ve actually grown to like the timber around you, mostly because of its protection from the wind and snow, but it also gave you a sense of security. Open areas like frozen lakes or snow-covered meadows that stretched over a few miles wide would give you a sense of discomfort. You feared that every attempt to cross them would result in nothing, like you’ll be stuck in an endless walk with no clear goal, only the horizon in front of you, one that blended in with the land and was covered in mist. You’d give out every last bit of your energy only for your legs to give out, and you would be left there, alone, with the next storm covering any and all evidence that you have ever passed here, that you have ever existed at all.

The slamming of the door of the passenger seat startled you, and you instinctively gripped the wheel a little tighter. Dammek got inside carefully minding his horns as he adjusted on the lowered seat. It wasn’t inclined too much, but he still couldn’t have a perfect view over the dashboard. He grabbed something from under the seat and offered it to you. It was one of the water bottles you have found at the house. You greedily grabbed it, finishing it off in one go even if that probably wasn’t a good idea since you haven’t consumed anything, water or food, in hours. You don’t feel nauseous though. You actually appreciate not having your mouth dry in what seems to be forever. You tilt your head back and breathe heavily as you try and catch your breath again. You’re probably going to regret this later, but you don’t really care. He drinks his slowly, only finishing half a bottle in the time you drank yours, and he leans back to grab ahold on one of the bigger canisters of water and put it down in front of his seat so it’ll be in arm’s reach from him. Twisting and reaching out to the back for things wasn’t too comfortable, especially considering his horns would always get in his way when he tried to do it, so having it close by is going to make his life a little less complicated. You’re sure both of you are going to finish those 2 gallons in no time. He gives you another bottle he stashed in his doorframe, which was meant for him, but you obviously needed it more. He warns you not to drink as fast as you did the last time because you really are risking getting sick from it.

 

“Well we better get the fuck going because I think the people who woke us up are getting closer. I have no idea what they’re doing and I don’t mean to find out.”

You nodded your head and lifted the handbrake, turned the wheels to the side because you needed to head to the road that was a few dozen meters from you, then pressed gas a little too hard which made both of you curse out loud. Dammek obviously wanted to not have to deal with this right now, but instead of complaining he just sighed, and turned to you. He started going over the basics again and you listened carefully while following his orders.

Soon enough you were on the road again, not running too smoothly but definitely better than yesterday. After an hour or so of making sure you got the hang of it, he just stopped commenting on your driving which you haven’t noticed until you wanted to ask him a question- He actually fell asleep again; turned towards you, one of his hands under his head, the other across his stomach. His breathing was peaceful and constant. He must’ve really been exhausted. You remember back at Alternia he rarely slept through the night, he would stay up for days on end. You guess this must’ve drained him really hard. This is one of the rare moments he actually doesn’t have to worry too much about things. You have a shelter, a means of transportation, the road is definitely leading to another form of civilization, he doesn’t have to worry about the details of the rebellion because there’s no use since he’s millions of miles, if not more, away from that problem, and he’s finally somewhere warm. Well, speaking of warm, now that the engine is on and running without difficulties, you might as well turn the heating up a little higher. It’s not cold, but you need to wear that revolting jacket to be comfortable. It’s honestly so disgusting you wonder how you managed to survive having it on for so long, so you awkwardly take it off while slowing down, throw it in the back, then realize one of the covers was actually left folded on the back seat in your reach. You extend your arm to the back, put it in your lap, find where the edges are, then throw it over Dammek. You make sure it stays on top of him and that it covers his body as well as it can, then turn back to the front so you don’t accidentally drive the car into a tree. While you were getting the covers, you accidentally pressed one of the buttons on the dashboard, which seemed to have activated the radio. You really didn’t want to fuss with all the commands and try and figure out what each of the buttons is for, but it was silently emitting static, which was getting on your nerves. You managed to turn the knob and find a radio station that worked, and the music they played was pretty soothing. Not something you usually listen to, but it’s nice and not too loud so it won’t bother Dammek. And it’ll keep you somewhat entertained. You haven’t noticed he woke up just for a moment, opened one of his tired eyes just to see what was going on and why was he suddenly warmer than before. You haven’t seen how he took the edge of it and pulled it up over his face, across his mouth. And you certainly haven’t realized how he did this just to hide the fact that he was blushing when he found out you made sure he could peacefully rest while you drove down the road quietly humming to the tune of the radio.

 

***

 

Scenery blurred beside you as you drove down the frozen road. Mountains rose higher forming cliffs around the valley you have been driving through. There were parts where the path narrowed, where the slope was steep and slippery, and you feared the tires would slide on the snow, taking the car down into the trench where a river would usually ran through. You kept your cool and constantly reminded yourself to breathe while you drove pass those parts, so in the end you managed to go through them without problems. Dammek slept through most of the journey, only shifting from one side to the other as his arm would fall asleep or something started hurting him when he maintained the position too long. When he actually did get up, he would drink some water, check up on you and ask if you’re tired, to which you always responded that you’re fine even though you could’ve used a break, look at the time, then go back to sleep. He hasn’t woken up for a while now, and you’re glad he’s been able to rest.

Over time, the mountains around you started to transform into mellower hills, with less large rocks dangerously hanging over you, and more gentle drops. The river was now running closer to you, with the road sometimes coming a little too close to it for you to be comfortably driving, but the rest of the time the route has been quite enjoyable. The radio had a few long discussions during the middle of the day, and since you were currently in the middle of nowhere, it was the only station whose frequency it could catch, so you were stuck listening to three hours of what’s the best plan for paying off a mortgage (which you still don’t fully understand what it stands for), and what the best chainsaw brands in the nearby area are (which was slightly more interesting because they also talked about forests and different types of lumber you get from different trees, but still pretty boring). You noticed there were a lot of animals using the road as a pathway. You encountered many deer that would run away when you came across them. There were also some stoats, a number of different birds (mostly crows but there were a few birds of prey too), even a lone coyote that trotted into the forest when it noticed you. It was strange seeing this wilderness from a new perspective. It was not ruthless anymore, not lifeless as you imagined. This was something entirely different, something bright and colorful.

The sun was soon on the horizon again, giving the landscape a reddish hue. It blinded you as you drove towards it. You squinted your eyes but soon found out you were too tired to keep doing it for a longer period. You were going to have to stop when you find an appropriate place you could put the car without the risk of being seen. There was a hill you needed to pass before you could think about that option. The climb was long and it took a lot of energy to maneuver the car up the icy slope. Still, you did it, managing to reach the top fairly quickly.

Your eyes needed a moment to adjust. The sun has finally set down in the valley you were overlooking and you had a clear view of what was waiting for you when you go down through it. You could see the river running through it, glimmering with a golden hue under the last rays of sunlight of the day. The trees were scarce so the plane was mostly covered with grass and shrubs, but there was an occasional grove here and there, mostly around the river bank. Mountains surrounded the valley, but created the largest open area you have seen in a while, and it was both terrifying, but also incredibly exciting, because down there, in the middle of it, standing right next to the edge of the river shore, was a small town. The lights started turning on, and what was before uncertainty, turned into a feeling of upmost exhilaration.

You stopped the car in the middle of the road rather abruptly, unbuckled the seat belt, then jumped outside and ran in front of the car. No! It really was true! Your mind hasn’t been playing tricks on you after all! There is a town down there! With houses and lights and cars and roads! You don’t know what exactly you’ll do when you get down there, but you’re sure the two of you will devise a plan. He definitely will.

This thought actually made you realize you haven’t actually woken up Dammek yet, so you rush towards his door. You open it and find him standing up, his mouth agape as he looks through the windshield down the road. He had somewhat of a blank expression on his face, and you stepped aside when he threw the covers off of himself and stepped outside. He seemed to have mindlessly passed you, oblivious to your presence, so you decided to follow him back, curious to what he has to say. He stood there, in front of the hood of the car, his hands slightly shaking. His legs were somewhat still shaky from being in a bent position for so long during the ride, which made him lean back onto the car as he looked towards the town that was becoming more obvious by the minute as the night fell and lights started to become more obvious. He lifted his sunglasses and put them up and you noticed how he started crying, his face bronze from the blood that got pushed to his cheeks. He wiped his tears off with his sleeve, leaving the arm over his eyes as if he was ashamed of being seen by you while crying. He sobbed a few times, but you notice he was smiling. The happiness he felt in this moment was too much for him to repress.

“Xefros, we did it”, he sniffed and put his arm down. He looked at you and awkwardly laughed knowing he probably looked ridiculous right now, breaking down like this over a meaningless thing. Except it wasn’t really meaningless, it was a sign the worst has passed. You have made it, survived all that cold, all that pain and suffering. He got up and rushed towards you, pressing his face against your shoulder as he hugged you tightly. You did the same, clutching the back of his shirt as your body twitched while you cried as well. A mutual state of overwhelming emotions, breathing in the cold air of the taiga flooded with the fresh smell of pine trees, standing in the middle of a desolate road as if frozen in time, basking under the faded lights of northern stars. Your heart beat calmly, but felt like it was louder than usual. Or was it his heart you have heard, beating in unison with yours? Your fingers loosened their cramped grip as you started to catch your breath, but you still stayed in his embrace, his hair brushing against your cheek.

An unusual change in light prompted you to open your eyes. It seemed insignificant, but strange since there was no moon up in the sky, and the town was too faint to cause such a variation. As you looked above towards the stars, you were struck by the realization that there were strokes of bright light of varying yellow and green hues extending above you, twisting and turning as if they were alive. You let go of Dammek, pulling him gently to show him to turn towards the valley. He looked at you obviously confused for a moment, until he laid his eyes on the sight in front of you. He twitched and stepped back instinctively grabbing your hand that was moments ago on his back. It was the first time both of you have ever seen something like this, but unlike him, who was probably frightened by the idea of it being a sign of hostility, you basked under the light in awe. You grabbed his hand tighter, ensuring him that it is fine, that he has nothing to be afraid of. This was different from the drones and warships at Alternia which hovered above you constantly. There is no correlation between the dark red sky during the night back home which brought pain and suffering, and the serene emerald green of the scene right in front of you. It felt like the complete opposite, as if it welcomed life instead of ending it, even though this was the first time you have encountered something like it. You looked above, your eyes glistening under the lights, transpiring into an array of colors as the aurora swayed over you. Dammek timidly stepped next to you, looking at you with his mouth slightly open, still uncertain whether or not to trust you on your decision to not hide under such a display, but when he saw you smiling at the sight, he came closer, his fingers still interlocked with yours.

So here you were, looking into the night sky, the universe riddled with stars and galaxies, with planets and nebulas, in a land you didn’t know, which has almost killed you a few days prior, only to find yourself gasping at the sight of how beautiful it really is. The faint blue hue around the cluster of stars that extended over the mountains illustrated the shape of the galaxy, making you realize just how small you really are. Two specs of stardust wandering aimlessly through space trying to escape from the only thing they have known their whole life, the misery of loss and imminent death. The final destination you once considered home had a different meaning now, and you wondered if you were still really seeking for a way back anymore, or have you lost your sense of direction. You only followed the road in front of you because it was there, it was the path somebody carved instead of you and made it easier for you to blindly pursue it. Your desire to go back to how you used to live, to all those fears and worries, burned out like a candle, quenching in the wax that was keeping it alive for so long. You have wondered quite a few times whether he feels the same, does he really want to find a way back so eagerly, or would he go with you, to find a place in this vast universe where both of you might belong in peace, breathing in the fresh air of freedom and tranquility.

 

The night reached its peak, darkening the forest around you. Only the aurora has managed to give you some sort of awareness that you were still standing above the valley where you needed to head to. You took a deep breath, blinked a few times, then looked at Dammek to see whether he’ll tell you what the two of you are going to do next. He took one last look at the night sky, then noticed you watching him, realized he was still holding your hand, and then let go of it, leaning back onto the hood and slightly blushing.

“I think it’s about damn time we get something to eat”, he pushed himself to the front, marched back to his door and got inside yelling for you to hurry up.

 

***

 

“Get the fuck down! They’re going to see you!” he whispered to you rather loudly while lying on the floor. You were crouching next to him, trying to get any kind of idea what was going on in front of the glass door. The little bell that hung above it suddenly rung and you got down, looking at Dammek with a panicked expression. He was obviously mad, trying to devise a plan how to get both of you out of here. His rifle was left in the truck, tucked under the back seat to be within reach but not to get in the way. There were no other things around you that you could use as sufficient weapons. You could practically take the cash register and throw it onto the men who just entered the store, but that would not create a large enough distraction, and would probably make them fire at you. They didn’t seem to be too concerned about who might have come in, but you can’t let your guard down.

“I swear, Bening’s kid is getting out of control. This is the second time this month someone broke in”, the taller man spoke with a raspy voice. There was a distinctive but familiar smell coming from him, the stench of smoke which prevailed in his clothes and beard.

“It’s because the old man himself is still angry for getting charged for breaking that fridge. No matter it was an accident, if you broke it, you pay for it! Fisher barely runs this place anymore, he has no money to fix that damned refrigerator on his own!” the other man spoke in a higher voice, with a weird accent that was slightly different from the first guy. He was almost as big as the first guy, but taller and younger, even though he had some grays scattered in his short black hair. There was a small crack in between the two parts of the counter through which you could get a modest look at where they were and what they were looking at, but the angle at which you were watching was awkward so you wanted to scoot a little to the back to see better. While you were backing up, you failed to realize a broom was set leaning onto the shelves just in the corner right of you. You hit it with your foot, causing it to fall onto you then on the ground. You closed your eyes hoping this didn’t really just happen, that you didn’t just give away your exact position, but when you hesitantly opened your eyes again, you were faced with Dammek frowning at you. You’re pretty sure he wanted to curse everything you have ever held dear, but managed to restrain himself from doing so by biting his lip.

“Hey, Jared! We know you’re behind that counter! We’re just going to take you to see Sheriff Nadeau back at his office, and then call your dad. You’re probably not going to be in any trouble”, the younger man said, stepping to the front and going over some of the groceries that fell on the ground as you rushed to hide.

“Except of course if he really did dismantle that alarm. That shit is expensive stuff”, the other commented to himself as he looked around the room. He seemed to be cautiously looking over all the things missing from the shelves and the packed bags that lay on the floor near the entrance. There was doubt in his narrowed eyes, and you held your breath as he reached for the rifle hanging on his back.

“Hold on…”, he said to his friend who stopped and turned towards him. You felt how the whole air suddenly got denser, filled with tension as the first man put the gun up in a ready position. You felt cold sweat rolling down your back. You held your breath in order to stay quiet. The position you were in was uncomfortable and you desperately wanted to move, but knew if you did anything, you might jeopardize being shot at. You swallowed as quietly as you could and continued listening to what was going on.

“What? You think this ain’t Jared? He’s playing around with us. He obviously wants to scare us with all this suspense and not showing himself”, he turned back to the counter and took another step forward, “ Jared, get the fuck up and show yourself! It’s the middle of the night and nobody wants to deal with your shit right now! Get up before I kick your ass!”

“I said hold on!” the older man raised his voice. Shit… He was afraid. Humans get scary when they’re afraid, especially when holding a firearm. You lowered your head towards your shoulders, feeling yourself quiver as your arms started to slide on the tiles from the sweat on your palms. Now the other man has taken his weapon too, deciding to listen to the reasoning of his associate. Dammek clenched his teeth as he listened to them approaching him. He was right in front of them, while you were a bit to the side, behind the left wing of the counter. If you played this out correctly, you wouldn’t be seen, but he would.  
Most definitely.

This is what really made you anxious. He was the one who could always think of a way to get out, keep his cool as he faced the problem head on, not like you who would panic and stutter in situations like these. Still, you don’t think he could talk his way out of this, nor could he overpower them. They were both much bigger than you, almost by a head, not to mention they could probably lift twice your weight.

“Show yourself!” the one closer to you ordered, which made you carefully take a step back. Now there was no way he would be able to see you, even if he looks over the counter, because you were behind the corner in the dark. You were really worried about what Dammek is going to do. You considered actually getting up and distracting them from getting any closer to him, try and reason with them, maybe get them to take you out of this store so he’ll get a chance to run. But when you looked at him, slowly starting to rise into a kneeling position, he gave you one dead serious look and formed words with his mouth without making a sound. You knew he meant something in the lines of if you get up I’m going to be the one to kill you, so you stayed down, awaiting completely petrified for what is going to happen next.

To your surprise, he chose not to fight, not to jump out of his hiding place onto the guy that was now standing almost right above him, but to slowly rise, his movements wary with his hands risen in front of his body. As his horns started to show first, the two men opened their mouth from shock, lowering their barrels for a moment as if doubtful this truly is reality. Dammek didn’t pay much attention to their reaction, only waited to see what they would do next. His eyes were glued on the man in front of him, his look like that of a lion ready to go for the jugular. His hands were shaking, but you weren’t sure was it from fear, or from restraining himself.

“Is this a fucking joke?” the guy raised his weapon again, pointing it right at Dammek’s forehead. Silence prevailed in the room as he waited for an answer, but there wasn’t going to be any. 

“What are you supposed to be? Why do you have those horns stuck at your head? What the fuck do you think you’re playing over here?”

“Devin… His eyes”, the other guy moved to the side, making the light from the street point directly at Dammek’s face. He blinked a few times and raised his hand slightly over his eyes to get used to the change, but didn’t even want to hide the fact that his tapetum lucidum reflected the light right back with a white hue, something which wasn’t characteristic for human eyes.

“What… the fuck are you?”

“Depends on what you’ll do to me if I tell you.”  
Why was he provoking them? You both knew neither one of you stood a chance against them, not alone, not even together. You were outmatched because of their guns. How foolish were you to think that humans were not smart enough to secure this place. You were hasty, driven by hunger which made you make the rash decision of not checking whether or not the alarm on this building was any different from the library you have so smoothly managed to break in. It was an honest mistake caused by sheer exuberance after being able to inconspicuously break in the other building right before, turning off the alarm only by cutting a few wires on the electrical system. He dismantled the door while you made sure nobody saw you, and you were inside in less than half a minute, tiptoeing through the high shelves filled with heavy books in a rather small room. The aisles between them led to a few old rusty tables with wobbly chairs, two computers powered off and standing on top of them. They seemed to be older technology, with the dusty screens yellowed from the moisture in the air being unusually massive. Still, it didn’t take Dammek long to figure out how to work them. He dismantled one, combining it with parts he took from the car, which he wasn’t planning on putting together anymore, and made a device that seemed something like a mother board, only more complex. He plugged it into the other computer, managing to access the satellites that were circling outside of the Earth’s atmosphere and connect to the data that was stored in his tablet, specifically the coordinates of the other weapon which was located somewhere on this planet. You barely followed when he tried to explain what he was doing, but you caught on the most important details. It was smooth sailing from there: the address has been found and written down, as well as a copy of the coordinates, you found a map and an atlas, even your current position (which was apparently somewhere in the far North of a country called Canada) as well as the general route you’ll need to take to get to your destination. You left the library without any evidence of you being there (except the computer Dammek took apart which isn’t going to work anymore), and already found a truck in upstanding condition, that you decided to take with, you parked outside one of the houses. The only thing left to do was to move all the supplies you previously had with you to the new vehicle, check its tank, and then go for some late-night shopping before heading off again. It was an easy job, really. Just cut the wires again, black the extra cameras that were hanging over the entrance, get in by picking the lock, then fill up the two bags, that you emptied out before coming here, with necessities. But you were in such an ecstatic frenzy when faced with fresh produce and cans of edible food, with cold drinks and even sweets, that you failed to realize a silent alarm went off. Humans were always so unpredictable, and right now, when Dammek stood here with his face right in front of the bullet trajectory, your heart raced as you realized you have underestimated them again.

You were so incredibly gullible, lead to believe that your luck might have actually turned around for the better, letting you go through the rest of the journey peacefully, driving in a warm car, without feeling any hunger or thirst, through the night when you wouldn’t be seen by as many witnesses, sitting comfortably while listening to the quiet sounds coming from the radio which you would sometimes sing to since the songs were repetitive. And Dammek would be beside you, engaging in conversation every now and then, but would mostly just look through the window in silence, enjoying your company nevertheless. It all felt like a distant dream now, a foolish game of pretend.

Now was not the time to dwell on what might have been and what you hoped for, but to figure out what you were both about to do if the men decide to open fire. Since they had rifles, it would take time to reload, and they would only really have a chance at one shot. They were standing far apart from one other, which was good because they won’t be able to help each other as fast if Dammek decides to take them on, but there was also the risk of them actually having the audacity to fire towards him if he were to attack, no matter how close he was to their companion.

“Shit! Lucas!” Devin glanced towards the other guy but quickly returned to have his eyes glued on Dammek. He nervously adjusted his rifle on his shoulder, looking right above the barrel to ensure the trajectory is right. He obviously didn’t know what to do and you notice how you weren’t the only one who noticed it. Dammek seemed to be relaxed, as if he was ready to quickly move away to the side at even the slightest sign of threat. But there was also determination in his eyes, his teeth clenched as he concentrated on devising a plan on how to possibly jump over the counter and towards the man, grabbing his weapon and taking it for himself.

“So you can understand us, eh?” Lucas lowered the gun, still holding it in his hands but trying not to look on the edge as before. He tried to suddenly appear less hostile, but you didn’t believe this new disguise he put on over his true intentions. The way he closed up towards you, his step confident and loud, made you realize he was a man who saw worse things than a starved alien boy who tried to steal a few cans of preserved meat and cold soup. Courage, or upright idiocy, this man seemed more dangerous than the other, and you detested the way he smiled as he approached Dammek who lifted his head up to appear slightly taller.

“I don’t know what the fuck you are, but am sure others would like to find out instead of me”, he glanced somewhere behind his friend, smiled when he saw what he was searching for, then reached with his hand towards the rope that was packed on the shelves. You sighed out of relief and scooted forward to take a look at Dammek again. To your surprise, his lip was curled out of anger and disgust, his hands suddenly tense as he monitored Lucas’s movements. His ears twitched sensitive to the sound of the heavy boots echoing against the walls. He wasn’t going to let him restrain him, he probably wasn’t even going to let him touch him. He took a step back as the large man realized he was planning to resist or even escape. They both stopped, held still for a moment looking each other in the eyes. Tension grew as they realized any wrong move could lead to serious vile consequences including injury and death. There was no room for discussion; there was nothing that could be bargained over. It was obvious what the humans wanted, and what you won’t receive. Your freedom wasn’t questionable anymore, it was taken, wanted to be claimed by two men of debatable sobriety, destroyed in the moment your hands got tied up.  
Actually, his hands.

It was his liberty that you thought about, his well-being and his survival. You were safe, hidden behind a barrier from the peril, quietly observing the cataclysmic performance about to unfold in front of your eyes. Knowing him, knowing all those years he thought himself to withstand all the mind games the empress could ever think of, all the torture she could put him through, there wasn’t a single scenario of events that could ever lead to him not fighting back, to just accept his fate as it is and figure out a way to get out of this mess later. He could not stand the mere thought of imprisonment, let alone allowing himself to accept it, to follow the rules of their act, a bunch of uneducated drunken humans who decided the idea of probing him would be an interesting way to pass the time in this godforsaken place. Or were they planning on selling him, giving away his body at the dispose of a bunch of so-called scientists looking for a breakthrough in their career? Whatever the outcome, whatever they were capable of doing, he wasn’t going to let them drag him into what will be his demise.

“Breaking in to our town’s only marketplace, trashing the place, and then resisting going with us to the police station after we kindly asked you to? Only thing we want is for this night to end with a peaceful outcome.”

“From the moment you arrived that gun has been directed straight at my head. Why the fuck should I believe you are not going to get me killed first chance you get?”  
Pause.  
The two men looked at each other. Devin lowered his rifle only for that swift moment of confusion and uncertainty of what to do next, and your heart skipped a beat as you thought they actually might calm down and speak things out. But as soon as Lucas lifted his hand with the rope, the other put the rifle back up and adjusted it, and your hope plummeted into the abyss of fear; fear of the two humans toying with you, fear of what they are capable of, fear of what lengths they might go to to get what they want, fear of what might happen to him, fear for his life. And the fear of you losing him.

“We are reasonable men who are only interested in diplomacy and order. Something you clearly wouldn’t understand.”

Dammek thoroughly examined him from top to bottom, then raised his eyebrow as he slightly lowered his hands.  
“If this is what diplomacy and order look like, I’m not interested”, he growled out.

Lucas opened his mouth, trying to comprehend the insult, then quickly furrowed his brow. The rope dropped to the floor next to his feet as his hands flew towards his rifle rising it up at eye level. Devin was knocked on the side as Lucas pushed himself directly in front of Dammek, his clenched teeth showing under the faint light. There was a stalemate between them, both ready to make their move, one firing the weapon, the other avoiding its trajectory. It was all a matter of reflex and nerves; one wrong move and it all goes down the drain for one or the other. Their breathing was hard, the human’s raspy from alcohol mixed with the cold air of the outdoors. Dammek stood his ground, his feet placed firmly on the ground, one slightly in front of the other. His hands were still raised near his chest, surreptitiously shaking from desperately trying to keep his calm but to no avail. As he boldly stared into the eyes flaming with anger of the man holding him at gunpoint, there was a moment when he decided to break sight of him to look at you.

His stance was confident, ready for what’s coming for him, but as you met his gaze you were struck with how his eyes were riddled with something else, an emotion you haven’t seen in him before. Was it… Sadness? Regret? Or was it the realization that he was readily going to lose his life for you, to give you a slim chance to escape yourself? He has fought all this years to preserve something he meaninglessly called his existence, thinking it was revolving around him, when his whole being was actually a result of you being unprepared for what the future, and him deciding he needed to take care of you because nobody else will. He built this illusion about the revolution, how he needed to go through with it and lead, and how he needed to stay alive under all circumstances because nobody else will be able to do it instead, while in reality, all those days spent in front of the screen, plotting and devising countless theories, plans, and rebellions, were all because of you. He pushed himself forward; he stayed alive, fought through all that self-hatred and misery. All those years he lived for you, and now, standing with the barrel of the gun pointed at his forehead, he was willing to die for you as well, giving away his whole being for something much more precious to him.

He swallowed, his face softening into a pure expression of sorrow as he mouthed the words _I’m sorry_ to you before turning back to the front, his hands reaching towards the barrel as if he was going to pull it closer to his body. Before you could realize what was happening, you pushed yourself of the ground, grabbed the edge of the counter then jumped over it. The loud bang of the gun going off spread across the sky outside the shop, filling the night with dismay. Then silence.

Your heart beating as if it was going to escape from your chest was the only thing you could hear right now. Your body felt numb as you held the rifle in your hands as tight as you can, your weight pressing down on the wide man under you. He was struggling to keep ahold of the gun as you tried to take it away from him, deciding to first hit him in the head with the bottom of it to incapacitate him, then to pry it from his hands (something you saw Dammek do many times when faced with adversaries who disagreed with his beliefs in the revolution). You look up, heavily breathing as your ears were still ringing from the loud sound. You were disoriented, overwhelmed with emotions and feeling nauseous at the thought of having to deal with another man who was already above you in order to try and get you off Lucas. You blinked, forcing yourself to stay conscious, and in a swift movement jumped up and pushed him onto the shelves behind you. You instinctively grabbed him by the neck, pinning him against the construction that was too weak to support the weight of both of you, so it collapsed on the floor and with it the two of you did too. Your hand was still tight around his airways, the back of his head bloodied from falling onto the metal edge of the shelf. He was already slowly blacking out, so you quickly grabbed his rifle as well, threw it on the side, then got off him making sure he wasn’t going to get up again soon beforehand. You stood there, your knees weak and legs unsecure, trying to catch your breath and trying to realize what you just managed to do. Was it really possible for you to grab the rifle before it fired at its target? No… There wasn’t a chance… You were too far to manage that. So that means...

You don’t dare to look behind you and face yourself with the result of the gunshot. Your legs give out and you fall to the floor feeling the smooth cold tiles under your palms. Your eyes fill up with tears, but your breathing stays natural. Your vision gets blurry, the floor in front of you starts changing shapes and the lines multiply. The ringing in your ears gets louder to the point of deafening you. Then it just suddenly stops. All of it. You are left kneeling on the floor, tears streaming down your face as your hands leave bloody prints on the white ceramic. You can hear the door creaking because of the wind, the bell at the top of it quietly ringing in a broken rhythm. There’s a sheet of paper rustling behind you, trapped underneath the shelves, and a can rolls back and forth as it passes the door. Your throat is aching, your mouth is dry. There’s a weird taste on your tongue, slightly bitter, making you sit up on your knees and try to rub it off with your sleeve. You’re still crying, your clothes dragging on the dirty floor, your coat falling off your shoulder and your scarf unevenly hanging around your neck.  
What have you done?

A palm on your shoulder startled you, your mind finally snapping back into reality away from dwelling on the past events. You jerked your head to the back, turning your body to face the person and get ready for taking them down again, but you were confronted with a painfully familiar face, his eyes open wide as he reached towards you with his hand. He stood still, his mouth slightly agape as he waited for you to react. There was blood on his shoulder drenching his torn jacket, his hurt arm curled up on his chest. You stared at him, waiting for him to speak because you weren’t sure if you have passed out on the ground and were imagining things.

“Xefros…”, his voice gentle, as if he’s afraid to speak up, like you were going to succumb to your fear, to your grief and anger, and fall apart right in front of him.

There was a moment when you both stood still, waiting for the other to do something, waiting for a sign that this is only an illusion, a dream that could never happen. The only thing that broke the silence, that was out of the always ordinary surrounding of the quiet winter night, were the soft sounds of the bell above the entrance to the shop, and it was a sign that you were in fact awake, conscious, and his voice wasn’t just a part of your memories torturing you. You laughed, crying again, as you jumped towards him into an embrace, burying your face into his healthy shoulder. His hand lingered above you in surprise, but quickly clenched to grab you and bring you closer, his body twitching as he sobbed into your jacket. You felt the warmth of his cheek against your neck, his black hair brushing against your ear, and you knew this was real. You stood there, for what seemed to be seconds but were actually minutes, before you separated; your faces vividly rust colored and glistening from tears. He looked like an absolute mess, even more than usual, and you couldn’t help but laugh at how completely innocent he looked right now, deciding to let go of his emotions as he kneeled on the ground there with you. He raised his hand towards your cheek and leaned in to kiss you, his warm lips a reminder of how much you truly adored him, of how you have almost lost him. You dreaded the thought of losing him again, of him risking his life again for you. You feared if you let go of him you’ll never be able to be with him again, to have his fingers gently untangle your hair as he would kiss you, to hear his mellow voice and melodic laughter fill out the car as you drive down the empty roads. You grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, to which he yelped out of pain, looking at his injured arm. You quickly leaned back, apologized as you found out you were acting selfish and have totally forgotten how he was in pain. You got up, then helped him by grabbing him under the arm. You felt a stinging on your hands as you grabbed his arm around your neck, so you quickly let go of it and looked at your palms that were burning so hard you couldn’t close your fist anymore. They were red, and large painful blisters were scattered in lines across the skin.

“Shit!” Dammek’s tongue slipped as he realized that you were hurt as well. You must have been so charged with adrenaline you haven’t felt how hot the barrel of the rifle was when you grabbed it and pushed it aside. You even held onto it for a fair amount of time.

“It’s fine! We need to go!” you said anxiously as you heard one of the men shuffling with his hand through the groceries that fell on the floor. He was still shaken up, but will soon get up, so you needed to hurry. You hurried, got Dammek seated in the car, then grabbed the two bags that were half full already. You managed to grab a few extra bandages too, even though you knew there was a first aid kit in the car; they are going to come in handy. You quickly put some around your palms, just enough to create a soft and clean cushion between your hands and anything you tried to grab (which is the wheel and the stick shift), then put gloves over them for extra protection. Dammek tied up his wound with one of the scarves which was getting soaked in his blood fast, then leaned back onto the seat, clenching his teeth to keep himself from moaning in pain. A few shards really got deep into his flesh, and you’re not sure yet how you’re going to get them out, or even just ease his pain. But you are going to figure something out.  
For now, you just need to do what you know best.  
Run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was going to publish this chapter sooner, but life got in the way (mostly college), and the chapter turned out longer than I wanted (16 pages in Word), which is only slightly shorter than the last one.  
> There was a lot going on and I didn't want to chop it off into two parts. Wouldn't feel right even if I had the chance.  
> But here it is, as a small Christmas present from me to all of you (and if you don't celebrate Christmas, as a gift for the end of the year, for making it through till now)! <3
> 
> As for the next chapter, it should be the last (hopefully, you never know).  
> I already have the outline mostly written out and have a general idea how I want to do it, but I can't say for certain when I'll be able to finish it.  
> I have a lot of things I need to finish in the next month or so before the semester ends, and I don't have a lot of time for myself, let alone to write.  
> But I do know I want to finish this thing, give these boys a structured ending.  
> Hope you stick around till then. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Unlike the two other fanfics I posted here, this one is supposed to be short(er). I plan to make it around 5 chapters long, with even more angst and emotions than in this chapter. I can't say for sure when the next part will be finished because I'm quite busy with schoolwork, sport, and other personal stuff.
> 
> I hope you liked the first chapter! Comments are well appreciated!


End file.
